Waiting on God, Waiting for Placement

CONGRATS Mark and Lorrie

2012-02-13T16:33:00.003-05:00

BIG CONGRATS are going out today to Mark and Lorrie on the placement of their daughter Ryann Taylor. Ryann was born on February 4 and placed into the arms of her forever family on February 6. Please be in prayer for her birth family as they walk through this season of grief. Welcome sweet little girl!

CONGRATS Paul and Grace

2012-02-13T12:25:00.005-05:00

BIG CONGRATS are going out today to Paul and Grace on the placement of their daughter Faith Elizabeth. Faith was born on January 30 and placed into the arms of her forever family on February 2. Please be in prayer for Faith's birth family as they walk through this season of grief. Welcome to the world sweet baby girl!

Together for Adoption regional conference in Winston-Salem!

2012-02-13T11:43:00.001-05:00

Our First Regional Conference (Winston-Salem)

by Dan Cruver Published Jan 12, 2012

We are pleased to announce that our first Together for Adoption regional conference will be held at Calvary (West Campus) in Winston-Salem, North Carolina on Saturday, April 28th. The primary objective for all of our conferences (both regional & national) is to magnify the adopting grace of God the Father in Christ Jesus and to mobilize the church for global orphan care. If you live in the Southeast, we hope you will join us and a great group of exhibitors for our first regional conference.

Registration is $39 per person. Online registration will in February.

Worship will be led by Kaleb Scharmahorn (listen to Kaleb’s worship band’s new CD).

CONGRATS Ryan and Cheri

2012-02-09T14:47:00.007-05:00

BIG CONGRATS are going out to Ryan, Cheri, Dylan and Kennedy on the placement of Cade Ryan. Cade was born on January 30 and placed into the arms of his forever family on February 1. Please be in prayer for Cade's birth family as they walk through this season of grief. Welcome to the world sweet baby boy!

CONGRATS Scott and Wendy

2012-02-07T12:24:00.005-05:00

HUGE CONGRATS are going out today to Scott, Wendy and Breanna on the placement of Trevor Dalton. Trevor was born on January 28 and placed into the loving arms of his forever family on February 1. Please be in prayer for Trevor's birth family as they walk through this season of grief. Welcome to the world sweet boy!

Waiting on God's timing

2012-02-03T12:39:00.005-05:00

For those of you who are waiting and really struggling with the why's, I wanted to have an adoptive mother who has been in your shoes to share her story. Beth and her husband waited a long time for their daughter, but when she was placed in their arms they knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was God's best for their life. Please read this and be encouraged!

My husband and I married in 1989 and started trying to get pregnant after two years of marriage. Life flew by and many tears for children were shed. Neither of us ever went to the doctor to see why we weren’t getting pregnant – we just moved on with our busy lives.

In 2004, we were invited to a Christian Adoption Services informational meeting by a couple attending our church. On the way to the meeting I didn’t know that my big strong husband had asked God for a “neon” sign. Was this the path for us?

The night of the meeting, Jim and Doris had invited some adoptive families to speak and share their experiences. In walked a family carrying a beautiful baby girl -- I’m guessing she was about 4 months old. The entire room melted! Little did I know this innocent little baby was the “neon” sign my husband requested. Before he and I even had a chance to discuss our options, he commanded me to go get an application. That was in April of 2004.

We live on a farm and have the world to offer any child. We were stable–mercy, our years
of marriage was proof and we were able to provide a loving, comfortable home. The case-worker started our process and thought surely we would be picked immediately since the conditions
seemed to be perfect.

Ahem … may I just say that God’s timing is NEVER our timing?

Months passed and I made myself busy decorating the nursery. The nursery was quickly
prepared and I began to use it as my prayer room. I sat in the nursery glider many days, crying
out to God for the little one who I would hold in my arms one day.

I am sharing this next part to prove to you that GOD had a plan all along. During this time, I was
in the role of Prayer Coordinator at our church (leading intercessory prayer meetings once a week). One meeting after prayer I had two different prayer warriors approach me. One said, “I saw a vision of a calendar with the date December 18th circled.” The next person approached me at a different time and said, “I heard December 18th.” Neither of them knew the other had seen anything. Being too presumptuous I assumed THAT was the date we would receive our baby. Well, I WAS WRONG!

December 18th came and went, BUT GOD had given us those dates to even show YOU that He has a perfect plan. To make a very long story short, our beautiful daughter(pictured with me – wh o is now SIX) was born in August. She was three weeks premature, but IF she had
been born on her due date, December 18th would have most likely been the day she was conceived! Before our daughter was even formed in the womb, she was ours. God hand-picked her for us.

Oh what a joy she is to us and everyone she meets!

I know the waiting is HORRIBLE! I know all about the pain, the torment, and even the rejection you may be experiencing, but believe me – GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOU. Don’t give up, but continue to pray and BELIEVE. I promise you, the moment you hold your son or daughter, all of the pain of waiting vanishes into the wind.

If you need encouragement, I would be glad to help. You may contact me at bethinnorthc@gmail.com or visit me atmy blog: My Destiny – Sharing the Hope
of Christ. http://mydestinysharinghope.com/

Welcome back---

2012-02-03T07:43:00.002-05:00

Do I officially get to welcome myself back to the world of blogging? I have missed it honestly and am now back in the swing of things (amazing how a little child can turn your little life around). So look for more updates coming multiple times weekly and get ready to welcome new little ones who have found families through the miracle of adoption.

Created For Care Retreat

2012-01-31T09:43:00.007-05:00

Attention Ladies!!! If you have adopted, are in the process of adoption or simply feel that God has called you to support those who are called to adopt then there is a fun event to consider attending!!!

http://createdforcare.org/upcoming-retreats/march-2012-retreat/

The Created for Care Retreat was created by April Carlock, Christy Elphick and Andrea Young, fellow adoptive mommas. Here's an insert from the website:

"Christian families all over the world are being called to grow their families through adoption and foster care. Throughout the journey, different needs arise–some times, we just don’t know where to start–and other times we are just tired from all that is required in these callings filled with new approaches, lots of healing and much required extra love. While your hearts have been called to care, YOU were also created to be cared FOR. We want to not only support these families by equipping them with adoption resources, but most importantly provide resources to encourage them in their walks with their Heavenly Father who led them to this amazing calling.

We hope you will join us on one of our next retreats. It is truly an honor to spend our time planning for these retreats to serve each of you. If you have questions or would like to know more about our retreats, please don’t hesitate to contact us."

If you are interested in attending the March event, please contact Heather Jones. Heather is wanting to get a group of moms together to go as a group. There are currently only 70 spaces left!

2012-01-25T09:54:00.003-05:00

Dear CAS Friends and Families-

One of our clients, Sonya Dobbins, has asked that we make you aware of a local Adoptive Mom support group. Here's the note from Sonya, please feel free to get in touch with her for more details:

We have resurrected our Charlotte area Adoptive Mom group and would like to invite any moms or moms-to-be that are in the adoption process.

When: Thursday February 9th

Time: 7pm

Where: Olive Garden @ Concord Mills

Contact: Sonya @ ssssdobbins@carolina.rr.com

We had TEN moms last month, and had a great time! We will be alternating between Matthews and Concord every other month, and we are shooting for the second Thursday of every month so that we can plan ahead.

Big Congrats to Robert and Stephanie!!!

2012-01-05T16:29:00.009-05:00

Congratulations to Robert and Stephanie on the birth of their little girl, Greta Josephine.

"Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever-fresh and radiant possibility."

- Kate Douglas Wiggin

Congratulations Jon and Teresa!!

2011-11-23T14:08:00.001-05:00

Congratulations Jon and Teresa on the birth of your beautiful little girl, Izzabel Ann LaTosha.

"A wee bit of heaven
drifted down from above-
A handful of happiness,
a heart full of love."

Congratulations Blake and Marisa!

2011-11-18T16:57:00.001-05:00

Congratulations Blake and Marisa on your beautiful girl,

Anna Carson.

"Little girls are precious gifts wrapped in love serene. Their dresses tied with sashes and futures tied with dreams."

Positive Adoption Stories

2011-11-11T11:38:00.001-05:00

Let's see how many positive adoption

stories we can tell . . .

In celebration of National Adoption Month, share your positive adoption story, comment and/or photo with us on FACEBOOK. Here's our first entry . . .

"The blending in of our three biological children that followed made for one beautiful and happy family."

"I can't imagine what our life would be like had we not adopted our first two children. Fifty-two years ago my husband and I adopted our first son and two years later son number two. The blending in of our three biological children that followed made for one beautiful and happy family.

To make this even more wonderful, we have an adopted granddaughter, now 23 years old from Russia - a joy for sure.

My husband, their Dad, is now deceased but I know if he was still alive he would agree with me that if we had to do it all over again - we certainly would. God is good!" E.S.D.

Heart of the Matter Seminars
1022 SW Twin Creek Drive
Lee's Summit, Missouri 64081
816-246-1100

Congratulations Aaron and Anna!

2011-11-04T17:35:00.000-04:00

Congratulations Aaron and Anna on the birth of their sweet daughter, Amelia Anne.

"A daughter may outgrow your lap, but she will never outgrow your heart." ~Author Unknown

Orphan Sunday - November 6, 2011

2011-11-03T15:32:00.002-04:00

Christian Alliance for Orphans

On Orphan Sunday evening, join with David Platt, Jedd Medefind, the Desperation Band's Jon Egan, members of the IHOP team and Christian leaders from around the globe via

LIVE from Kansas City!

This one-hour webcast event will unite believers worldwide in GUIDED PRAYER for the fatherless and WORSHIP led by IHOP's Jon Thurlow and Jon Egan of the Desperation Band.

LIVE from Kansas City will be webcast live at www.orphansunday.org November 6, 2011 at 6 PM Central Time.

To join the webcast ONLINE is free, but please REGISTER HERE.
To join IN PERSON tickets are free, but you must register HERE.

Visit us at www.christianalliancefororphans.org

Congratulations Tristan and Karen!

2011-11-03T14:39:00.001-04:00

Congratulations Tristan and Karen! We are so excited to annouce the birth of their precious son, Wesley.

"A basket full of sunshine,
A house full of joy.
What could be sweeter,
Than a new baby boy."

Free Webinar!

2011-11-03T14:31:00.002-04:00

A FREE Mini - Webinar
Caring For Your African-American Child's Hair

This recorded mini-webinar provides an introduction to our upcoming course, Caring For Your African-American Child's Hair, Learning Techniques, Understanding Differences, Building Confidence. Our course subject matter expert walks you through the contents of the course, and gives you some great take away tips. Register for FREE: you will be the first to be notified when the course launches next month AND the webinar includes a coupon for $5 off the course!

The upcoming course will:

Consider the impact hair care has on self esteem and cultural identity.
Learn basic techniques such as shampooing, conditioning and hair styling for different types of Afro-textured hair.
Understand the myths versus the realities of caring for Afro-textured hair.

Register: http://www.adoptionlearningpartners.org/webinars/hair-care.cfm?utm_source=1031profhair&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=1031prof

Picture Perfect Moment!

2011-11-03T14:31:00.001-04:00

A Picture Perfect Moment

Joint Council's Fourth Annual Photo Contest

In honor of National Adoption Month, Joint Council is launching its Fourth Annual Photo Contest and is now accepting submissions.

This year's photo contest brings a new opportunity for the community to see through your unique lens how your life has been impacted through your forever family. We are looking for beautiful, inspiring photos of all types of children- children in orphanages, foster homes, or adoptive families, engaged in all types of activities- children at play, in reflection, or just being loved.

The photo contest is open to all persons interested in child welfare issues related to finding children a safe, loving, and permanent homes. Examples of some persons who may want to enter the contest are parents, adoptive parents, foster parents or employees of child welfare organizations.

Visit our photo contest website for information on how to submit your photo!

Photo Contest Information

JointCouncil.org

Joint Council on Facebook

@Joint Council on Twitter

The contest will begin at 12:01 AM EST on November 1st, 2011, and ends November 30, 2011, at 11:59 PM EST.

Pleas visit our photo contest website to learn more about the contest rules, how to vote, prizes and much more.

● 117 South St Asaph St ● Alexandria, VA 22314 USA ● Tel: +1 703-535-8045 ●

● http://jointcouncil.org ● betheanswer@jointcouncil.org ●

Discipline from ages 4-12

2011-10-17T09:13:00.003-04:00


	Discipline From 4-12 is practical advice and encouragement for parents who are training children ages 4-12. It’s yours FREE, just click below.

Courageous: In Theaters Now

2011-10-10T10:06:00.000-04:00

Four men, one calling: To serve and protect.

As law enforcement officers, they are confident and focused, standing up to the worst the streets have to offer. Yet at the end of the day, they face a challenge that none of them are truly prepared to tackle: fatherhood.

When tragedy strikes home, these men are left wrestling with their hopes, their fears, their faith, and their fathering. Can a newfound urgency help these dads draw closer to God ... and to their children? Protecting the streets is second nature. Raising their children in a God-honoring way? That's courageous!

Watch the trailer at: http://www.courageousthemovie.com/

Life Book Class: October 13, 2011

2011-10-10T10:05:00.000-04:00

Life Book Class
Speaker/Instructor: Beth Darst
Thursday, October 13

7:00pm - 9:00pm

Colonial Baptist Church
6051 Tryon Rd
Cary, NC 27518
Room FC212

http://www.colonial.org/directions.html

If you are interested please email Annice Broadwell at AnniceB@nc.rr.com. We need aheadcount for materials and refreshments. I will also need emailaddresses to give access codes.

Access codes for the doors would be given to all attendees aday or two before the meeting.

Congratulations Eric and Shelly!

2011-10-06T12:23:00.001-04:00

Congratulations Eric and Shelly on the birth of their sweet daughter, Marlee.

"A Daughter is...your greatest source of pride and your greatest hope for the future. The happiest moment of your life was the day she was introduced to the world." -Bettie Meschler

In Theaters Now!

2011-09-15T14:14:00.001-04:00

Seven Days in Utopia

The NUMBER ONE Christian Movie in America

See it Today!!

"Beautiful, Charming, Wholesome!" - Michael Medved

Make sure to watch the Movie Trailer: http://www.sevendaysinutopia.com

Is It An Adoption Thing?

2011-09-15T13:54:00.003-04:00

Expert advice on child development and adoption.

When your child exhibits challenging or frustrating behaviors, do you: (a) Immediately assume it's related to his adoption history? (b) Not even consider adoption? (c) Struggle to determine when to point to adoption and when to assume it's just kid stuff?

Because many families struggle with the difficult task of sorting out if behaviors and challenges are adoption related or not, we've asked an expert, Dr. Gregory Keck, to help!

Wednesday, November 2
7:00 - 8:00 PM Central
Q & A: 8:00 - 8:30PM
Cost: $15

REGISTER: http://www.adoptionlearningpartners.org/webinars/is-it-adoption.cfm?utm_source=proflastisita&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=professionalblast

Join Dr. Keck, Director of the Attachment and Bonding Center of Ohio, as he discusses the impact of adoption and trauma on child development.

This webinar will:

Discuss common challenging behaviors adopted children may exhibit at each developmental stage.Offer real life examples and suggestions for handling these behaviors. Examine effective and ineffective parenting tools

Dr. Keck looks forward to answering audience specific questions too. Instructions are provided in the registration confirmation email or Tweet them to @adoptiontweet using #isitadoption.

Coming later this month...

2011-09-15T13:52:00.001-04:00

"Parent Planning for Special Needs Adoption"

A new, online course for parents and professionals!
Like us on facebook (Heart of the Matter Seminars) to hear first of its release!
Helping families plan for success!

Heart of the Matter Seminars
1022 SW Twin Creek Drive
Lee's Summit, Missouri 64081
816-246-1100

Upcoming Webinar

2011-08-17T10:45:00.005-04:00

Transracial Adoption: Becoming a Multicultural/Multiracial Family

"Our webinar will inform participants of the joys and challenges of expanding families through Transracial adoption, provide awareness of the sensitivities to the lifelong impacts of adoption, and offer tangible suggestions for the community to help support and embrace families."

Date: Wednesday August 31, 2011 - 2:00PM Eastern

Host Church: Bethlehem Baptist Church

Presenters: Jaclyn Skalnik, Bethany Christian Services, Maridel Sandberg, Bethlehem Baptist Church

Congratulations Brent and Lori!

2011-08-11T09:52:00.008-04:00

We are excited for the birth of Mykah who was placed in the loving arms of Brent and Lori.

Congratulations on your sweet, little girl!

"A baby girl...One of the most beautiful miracles in life, one of the greatest joys we can ever know, and one of the reasons why there is a little extra sunshine, laughter, and happiness in your world today." - Author unknown

Congratulations John and Dawn!

2011-08-10T16:32:00.008-04:00

Congratulations John and Dawn on the recent placement of their precious baby boy, Christian.

"The best thing is holding him on my chest as he falls asleep. Time really stands still when I'm with him and I find myself hurrying to do chores so I don't miss anything he does. He is more than we ever could have hoped for and the answer to all of our prayers." - Dawn

"Christian has changed our lives so much it is hard to believe he's only been here since early last Thursday. All of the changes have been completely for the best. Dawn gets up really early every morning anyway, but I never thought I'd be able to so easily get up at 3am or 4am for anything. I am so excited to see what Christian will do next that I just jump right up and have a lot more energy than I thought I would." - John

Informational Meeting

2011-08-10T16:07:00.004-04:00

Christian Adoption Services invites you to attend a free domestic and international adoption informational meeting at 624-134 Matthews-Mint Hill Road, Matthews, NC on September 23, 2011 at 1:00PM. Families with completed home studies seeking to adopt minority infants are welcome. Please call 704.847.0038 or email CAS@christianadopt.org to register.

Back to School!

2011-08-03T15:41:00.020-04:00

Don't miss this informative webinar:

Adoption Basics for the Classroom!

You talk to your child about adoption, but what about the time he spends at school? What does his teacher know about adoption? About birth parents? Does she know how to help him answer, "Why don't you look like your parents?"

Thursday, September 22, 2011

7:00-8:00PM Central

Q & A: 8:00-8:30PM

Cost: $15.00

Register:
http://www.adoptionlearningpartners.org/webinars/adoption-basics-classroom.cfm?utm_source=classroomblastpr&utm_medium=blast&utm_campaign=classroomblastpr

Join Debbie Riley, CEO of the Center for Adoption Support and Education as she discusses how adoptive parents can educate their educators. This webinar will help adoptive families:

1. Educate teachers on managing discussions about adoption
2. Determine how much of their child's story to share
3. Learn how to handle some standard school projects

We hope you take part in this wonderful opportunity to educate yourselves and others!

CONGRATS: Brian and Leigh!!

2011-07-15T14:13:00.006-04:00

CONGRATULATIONS Brian and Leigh on the recent placement of their adorable baby boy, Joshua Mayo, through a semi-open adoption.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Please be in prayer for Joshua's birth family as they walk through this season of grief.

CONGRATS: Davin & Kristin!!!

2011-07-14T14:09:00.008-04:00

BIG CONGRATS to Davin and Kristin on the recent placement of their beautiful baby girl, Eliana Rose, through an open adoption.

We praise God for His perfect plan:

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!” Psalm 139:13-17

Please be in prayer for Eliana's birth family as they walk through this season of grief.

10 Years Old

2011-06-29T09:41:00.001-04:00

*This email came from a Christian orphanage in the Philippines that CAS sponsers. Please pray for this little girl!*

She came to us with her little sister, in the wee hours of the morning just about a month ago. My staff had found her in the wet, leaking flooded waiting room of a government hospital. We had been monitoring her mother's latest baby who had pneumonia but we didn't know about these siblings. My staff brought her and her little sister back to Gentle Hands, cold, wet, and exhausted. The mother had left in the night- to do what, no one knew. But the 10 year old had been left in charge of the baby who lay fighting for life in the NICU.

The baby was discharged a few days ago- dropped off by the mother at the door late on Friday afternoon in the middle of the typhoon. She said little and left almost immediately. The baby? A whole other story. You would think being discharged means being well. Not in this country.

But it's Monday now. The mother is back to pick up her kids that we have cared for for a month. The ten year old, she wants. The baby, she doesn't want. But then we learn how of 6 children, there are actually three fathers. And the abuse that they have suffered at the hands of these step-fathers is heartbreaking. But in this situation, I cannot keep this child if the mother is determined to take her back.

And so now I hold her little face in my hands. I have had little interaction with this girl. Quite on purpose. On some level, I convinced myself it was for her sake. I didn't want her to attach to me because I didn't know if I would be able to keep her. It would be hard for her to say goodbye.

The ugly truth is, I didn't want to attach to her because letting her go back to a mother who wasn't' really able to meet her needs, would be so hard. It hurts to watch children suffer. I am convicted of my own selfishness. Who am I to decide when to hold back love or not.

She is standing now, in front of me, ready to go. Her eyes are so deep.
"Are you afraid?" I ask.

"I am", she says, holding my eyes with hers.

'What will you do when you are afraid?" I ask her, biting my own lip.

"Mama Judy taught me how to pray. I will pray."

I hold her hands. Tears run down her cheeks.
"Jesus will never leave your side. Do you know that?"

"Yes, Teacher Bunny taught me that", she whispers.

"You are a brave little girl. You are strong. Jesus loves you and He sees everything. His angels will protect you. But if you need me..."

I wrap my arms around her and she melts into me. Her sobs are silent. It is a long embrace. But not nearly long enough. Her mother is impatiently waiting at the door. I have to let her go.

I scribble my contact numbers on a piece of paper for her to hide in her pocket. She smiles, just a little. "I know how to use a cell phone", she whispers. "I was counting on that", I whisper back.

She wipes her eyes. But the tears do not seem to notice. She wipes them again and I embrace her one more time. She smiles and they leave.
I watch them walk down the street, my heart aching. The mother is not holding her hand.

But she doesn't need to. There is an angel on either side of that little girl, holding either hand.

For Love of the Poor,

Charity Graff
Executive Director
Gentle Hands Inc

Baby Product Reviews

2011-06-27T16:21:00.003-04:00

Today we are going to be looking at new innovative baby products! If you have adopted or are in the process of adopting please list some great products to share with everyone else!

This is the hugga bebe! It is a favorite new find of mine....it is used to support smaller babies in high chairs, swings, exercauser's, etc. The cover is super soft and it is worth the $25 fee!

The City Select stroller by Baby Jogger! It is lightweight, accepts infant car seats, and has bigger wheels so it is perfect for in town, off road, etc. LOVE IT!

The Britax Advocate CS convertible 65 pound car seat! We bought one of these recently and it is amazing---the side impact panels are the safest rated in a crash test at this time! It grows with your child from 5-65 pounds. Also if you live in the Charlotte area Britax hosts once a month for professionals to be on hand to install your car seat directly into your car (and you do not have to have their brand of car seat).

FREE CAS magnets! Get them while they last!

2011-06-22T15:06:00.002-04:00

“The real question today is not when human life begins, but, What is the value of human life? The abortionist who reassembles the arms and legs of a tiny baby to make sure all its parts have been torn from its mother's body can hardly doubt whether it is a human being. The real question for him and for all of us is whether that tiny human life has a God-given right to be protected by the law—the same right we have.” Ronald Reagan

An easy way to value human life.....Place a CAS magnet on your car and spread the message around NC that adoption is a very positive solution to an untimely pregnancy! We actually have magnets and heavy bumper stickers (I actually have the bumper sticker as it is heavy and peels off in one piece). So email me and tell me how many stickers/magnets you would like for us to mail to you and where you like them mailed to and I will get them out asap! Each of you can do this so get your friends and family involved!

2011-06-17T11:24:00.001-04:00

This is an AMAZING testimonial of a woman who survived a saline abortion when her birth mother was 5 months pregnant. What caught my attention though was the fact that her adopted sister knew that her birth mother tried to abort her and told Melissa of that fact (in anger) when she was 14 years old.

One of the strongest messages we at CAS try to "preach" to the adoptive families is that when you accept a child into your home the history of the child and his/her birth parents is FOR THE CHILD ALONE! These adoptive parents out of ignorance shared information that was not theirs to share and it came back to hurt this girl in her adolescence. If you accept a child with negative history into your home then you made that decision between husband and wife. It should stay between the 2 of you! It may be appropriate to share with a child as he/she becomes older and can understand more, and it may not be. But that child's story is his/hers to share and it should come directly from the adoptive parents to the child (not from grandparents, siblings, pastors, etc).

Guard diligently your child's history! Realize that you cannot take back information that you share and people do judge the children based on circumstances beyond their control!

What to do while you wait--buy adoption friendly baby books!

2011-06-16T14:51:00.002-04:00

Another collaboration by the team behind God Gave Us You (2000), this book will resonate with many adopted children as well as their adoptive parents. The story is presented as a cherished and much-repeated bit of bedtime conversation between Mama Fox and Little Fox. Asked about “the day I came home,” Mama talks about how long she dreamed about and waited for Little Fox. Little Fox asks, “You were lonely for me?” and Mama’s affirmative response, for which several spreads of illustrations are provided, makes them cuddle all the closer: her pain is simultaneously shared and assuaged by Little Fox. Little Fox also asks about why he couldn’t stay “with the mother who had me,” and Mama responds in a warm and assuring tone. Bryant’s appealing images, mostly gentle pastels, are sweet but not saccharine, portraying these anthropomorphous animals as intelligent, loving, and wonderfully matched. A nice introduction to adoption for any child, adopted or not. (review by Amazon.com)

Buy a Frosty this weekend!

2011-06-14T12:14:00.002-04:00

Father’s Day Frosty Weekend

When you buy a cold and delicious Frosty over Father’s Day weekend, Wendy’s donates 50 cents to Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. You can also donate by purchasing a Frosty pin-up for $1. And kids can go online to create Father’s Day e-Cards from a variety of scenes and objects–like sandcastles on the beach or baseball in the backyard–and send it off to their dads. Wendy’s donates an additional 25 cents to the Foundation for every Frosty Card sent. In 2010, our Father’s Day Frosty campaign raised $1.8 million.

Helping an child find a forever family + a chocolate frosty=A day I can definitely celebrate! Who will join me this weekend in buying a Frosty?

Help support CAS by buying a NC Choose Life License Plate tag!

2011-06-13T16:25:00.002-04:00

The North Carolina state House yesterday approved legislation to allow motorists in the Tar Heel State to purchase Choose Life license plates to adorn their vehicles and spread a pro-life, pro-adoption message.
The House voted 70-44 to authorize dozens of new specialty plates, including the Choose Life plate, that require an extra $25 fee to purchase — with $15 going to pregnancy centers that provide women with abortion alternatives for each plate sold in the state.
According to an AP report, Carteret County Republican Rep. Pat McElraft told legislators the plates will raise money for Carolina Pregnancy Care Fellowship and “save some babies lives.” However, some Democrats opposed the measure because they didn’t want licence plates becoming a forum for debate on abortion.
AP indicates the House rejected a pro-abortion amendment Democrats brought that would have added a “Respect Choice” license plate benefiting the pro-abortion side.
Last year, Bobbie Meyer, the state director of Carolina Pregnancy Care Fellowship, told LifeNews: “North Carolina is the only state in the southeast that refuses to let its citizens purchase the choose life license plate. For eight years the legislation for the choose life plate has been denied a vote even though more than 130 other plates have been approved.”
“The choose life license plate has already raised over 12 million dollars in the states that allow them thereby helping mothers and their families,” she added. “Here in NC there are 85 pregnancy care centers who last year saw over 46,000 women and children.”
Despite popular support for the plate, Planned Parenthood officials strongly oppose it.
“These license plates are specialty plates that bear an anti-choice message,” the group said an email LifeNews.com obtained asking its members to urge legislators to vote no.
Planned Parenthood complained that the funds from the plate will go to pregnancy centers that provide women with real choices and tangible help in an unplanned pregnancy. As the abortion business claimed, the centers “promise comprehensive medical advice and services but deliver anti-choice propaganda.” Planned Parenthood also complained it would be ineligible to receive funds because it does abortions while the plate’s goals are to promote adoption and helping women in crisis pregnancies.
The approval of the Choose Life plate comes after significant hard work from pro-life groups in the state, including North Carolina Right to Life and North Carolina Pro-Life Democrats.
The Tar Heel State is home to over 100 specialized license plates promoting everything from Save the Sea Turtle to NASCAR driver Greg Biffle. The Choose Life tag was tied up in the Transportation Committee for five years and now, residents may be closer to having tags available.Ultimately, the Choose Life plates across the nation have raised over $8.7 million and over 400,000 plates have been sold or renewed in the 17 states that currently have the plate available.
NC Right to Life, the Roman Catholic Dioceses of Charlotte and Raleigh, NC Baptist Association, Russ Amerling, National Director of Choose Life license plates, The Family Policy Council of NC, Civitas NC, The Christian Action League, and NC Pro-Life Democrats all support the plates. There are currently 80 pregnancy centers across the Tar Heel State that served more than 46,000 women, men and families last year.
Brevard graphic artist Deborah Vernon Scott designed the proposed North Carolina plate, which depicts mountains and waves separated by two children’s faces on a yellow background. The phrase “Choose Life” is emblazoned in red at top.
ACTION: Tell your legislators to support the plate but going to http://www.ncga.state.nc.us/

Review of Kung Fu Panda 2--adoption friendly or not?

2011-06-10T15:33:00.003-04:00

Q: School will be out soon and my children are requesting to see movies, including Kung Fu Panda 2. I am aware that there is an adoption theme in this movie and I am not sure if it is appropriate for my children to see.

A: Many parents have asked us about this movie and so through the lens of adoption, this is my review. As with many children's adoption-themed movies, Kung Fu Panda 2 has many good elements and some potentially confusing messages. It is important for adoptive parents to remember that regardless of whether you take your children to see this movie, especially given its generally favorable critic reviews, their friends and peers are probably seeing it and "learning" about adoption from it. It is therefore possible that the movie will prompt them to ask your children questions about their adoption. For that reason alone, I recommend that you take the time to go and see the movie, without your children. That will help to prepare you to prepare your children for their peers' reactions, as well as to decide if you want your children to see the movie.
You may certainly have a different opinion of this movie and decisions about what is good or not good must be made on an individual basis. Only you know what the benefits/challenges may be for your individual child.
What I liked about the movie - The love and strong bond between Po (the Panda) and his Goose adoptive father is lovely and clear. Any doubt that an adopted child may have, even unconsciously, of whether he is deeply loved by his adoptive parents, is dispelled by the example of this moving, secure relationship. The father also does a beautiful job of telling Po his adoption story.
The movie shows Po's strong desire to know "where he came from" - his need to understand why he was adopted - his story. This theme validates and normalizes this extremely important feeling that many adoptees have. Po's father worries about what this revelation will mean for their relationship, but is totally understanding, accepting and supportive of Po's need to know. It is good for the non-adoptive audience to see that even if adoptive parents feel anxious about birth parents, they support their children's need for connection and understanding.

New book resource: Adopt Without Debt!

2011-06-09T09:58:00.004-04:00

In 2000, Julie and her husband, Mark, declared war on their debt – credit cards, student loans, cars and the house. Seven years later, as they wrote the check for their last mortgage payment, God called them to adopt two children from Ethiopia. A few months later, with their income unexpectedly cut by two-thirds, they wondered if they could finish the adoption without crossing back over into the red.
When they brought Wendemagegn and Beza home 12 months later, Julie and her husband proved debt-free adoption is possible!
Passionate about helping others achieve their adoption dream, Julie shares how to find extra money in your household budget, apply for grants, and fundraise in order to build your family without saddling it with debt. With over $65,000 worth of creative fundraising ideas from more than 25 adoptive families, “Adopt Without Debt” shows you how to fulfill your adoption dream without signing away your financial freedom.

Visit her website to order the book: www.adoptwithoutdebt.com

The Pain and Promise of Adoption

2011-06-07T12:58:00.003-04:00

Check out this beautiful post that I found today (it is SO worth your time reading)....

http://preciousadornment.wordpress.com/2011/06/07/the-pain-promise-of-adoption/

Boycott Pepsi for Using Aborted Fetal Cell Lines

2011-06-06T10:20:00.003-04:00

Dozens of pro-life groups are calling on pro-life Americans to boycott PepsiCo because it has contracted with a company that uses fetal cells from babies victimized by abortions to test and produce artificial flavor enhancers.

LifeNews.com reported on the controversy in March when information came to light showing biotech company Senomyx was found to be testing their food additives using fetal cells from abortions. Senomyx ignored a letter from the pro-life group Children of God for Life, which complained about its practices.

"The company's key flavor programs focus on the discovery and development of savory, sweet and salt flavor ingredients that are intended to allow for the reduction of MSG, sugar and salt in food and beverage products," the Senomyx web site says. "Using isolated human taste receptors, we created proprietary taste receptor-based assay systems that provide a biochemical or electronic readout when a flavor ingredient interacts with the receptor."

Debi Vinnedge, of the pro-life group, explained, "What they don't tell the public is that they are using HEK 293 - human embryonic kidney cells taken from an electively aborted baby to produce those receptors. They could have easily chosen animal, insect, or other morally obtained human cells expressing the G protein for taste receptors."

After exposing the practice, Vinnedge's group called for pro-life people to contact the companies using Senomyx to test their products. While some companies stopped contracting with it, others did not. Now, Vinnedge says today that PepsiCo is funding the research and development by paying royalties to Senomyx to use the human embryonic kidney cells to produce flavor enhancers for Pepsi beverages.

"There are many options PepsiCo could be using instead of aborted fetal cells, including animal, insect, or other morally obtained human cells," she told LifeNews. "The revelation - a potential public relations nightmare - motivated Campbell Soup to sever all relations with Senomyx. However, PepsiCo continues their business relationship despite the abortion connection. Their response earlier this year drew public ire when they wrote that "our collaboration with Senomyx is strictly limited to creating lower-calorie, great-tasting beverages for consumers." http://www.lifenews.com/2011/05/25/pro-life-groups-boycott-pepsi-for-using-aborted-fetal-cell-lines/

"Somebody Like Me" by Jason Crabb

2011-06-01T09:33:00.001-04:00

Take the time to watch this video! A friend sent it to me and God immediately spoke to my heart about the people that God put's in my path every day. Do I see them as God sees them and do I love them as God loves them? It is so easy to feel "high and mighty" compared to other people who are struggling with sins in their life, but God calls us to be His hands and feet to those who are hurting. It is so easy to label people and judge them. It is also easy to think that we are better than they are, when in reality it is by the grace of God that we are not in their shoes.
I was reminded of the girls that we work with and how easy it is to judge a woman who is unmarried and having a child. Today when we see someone that is hurting let's step out of our comfort zone! Let's be God's hands and feet....

Adoption baby announcements!

2011-05-31T10:36:00.001-04:00

Take a look at mixbook.com as they now make custom adoption announcements for your new bundle of joy! LOVE IT!

http://www.mixbook.com/cards/adoption-announcements/simple-joys-406

Today....

2011-05-26T09:58:00.003-04:00

3,600 children will loose their life to abortion....

I look at that horrifying number and wonder am I doing enough to ensure that every child has a right to a life? But then I look at the children that are born and think--more should be placed for adoption as an infant! Adoption gives a child not only a physical life (very important) but also a QUALITY of life through a 2-parent Christian family.

In this country today it is legal to abort a child up to 40 weeks gestation with no questions asked. We have become a culture that places value and importance on saving the whales while children are murdered every day in the name of choice. It has long been documeted that children feel pain while being aborted, yet I am guilty of sitting back and doing nothing. What should we as the body of Christ do to help end the ongoing murder of defenseless unborn babies in this country?

CONGRATS Bryan and Stacy!

2011-05-23T10:48:00.006-04:00

BIG CONGRATS are going out today to Bryan and Stacy on the adoption of their son William Alexander through a semi-open adoption. Will was born on May 13 and placed into the arms of his forever family on May 15. Please be in prayer for Will's birth family as they walk through this season of grief.

Why are we waiting?

2011-05-18T15:18:00.003-04:00

We were talking in the office the other day about what makes domestic adoption so different and the conclusion was this: the placing parent(s) call the shots. Waiting families need to understand that the key to domestic adoption is that EVERYTHING in this process is negotiable.

Many families have been very suprised after meeting a mother/father who say that they want a say in what the child's permanent name. Families have been shocked and felt like this was their right not the right of the placing parent. If the mom has a name that she feels is very important to her and was given to the child for a reason then the least the family could do is to keep that name in the child's permanent name.

The timetable that you recieve a child on is not in your hands when you are waiting. The domestic program is about the placing parent and his/her ability to choose the life that he/she desires for the child. Very rarely a mother/father will come along who do not want to choose a family for the child. We were just recently asked how we choose a family for a baby if the mom does not choose. Here goes: the couple who has waited the longest and who meets the special situation (race, sex of child, health issues, medical payments, openness of the adoption, etc.) will be the one who recieves the child.

So basically you choose your wait by what you open or close yourself to since the agency works within your given parameters. Based on the limitations you have set on yourself then we at the agency select those who are open to the situation for the placing parent to choose from. Families recently have recieved placement faster due to being open to race, open adoption, health issues, and paying medical bills for the mother.

The agency DOES NOT play favorites in regards to the families who are waiting. We want each of you to have a child, but in the end our role is not to force a family on a mother/father that they are not comfortable with. So if you are waiting and you are discouraged feel free to contact the agency and ask (if you want to know) of the comments that have been made about your profile. Our office number is 704.847.0038 or email us at Pregnant@ChristianAdopt.org

Hope to see all of you on Saturday at the annual picnic...

2011-05-18T09:49:00.003-04:00

This is a BEAUTIFUL poem that I found on http://www.birthmombuds.com/ written by a mom who had released her son for adoption. It perfectly depicts the sentiments that the girls convey to us as to why they are choosing to release their child for adoption. Enjoy!

Because I Love You!
By Shelley I.

I searched my heart and soul and mind
Because I love you

I cried myself to sleep many nights
Because I love you

I looked long and hard and half way across the country for your parents
Because I love you

You now have a mommy and a daddy
Because I love you

You have cousins who can’t wait to hold you and play with you
Because I love you

You have loving aunts and uncles
Because I love you

You have grandparents who are so proud to call you grandson
Because I love you

There will never be a worry about how to feed you
Because I love you

You will never be told, “sorry honey there is no milk”
Because I love you

You won’t have to keep wearing the clothes you outgrew
Because I love you

You won’t have to move and attend many different schools
Because I love you

You have a stable home environment
Because I love you

You won’t have to wait for me to get out of bed
Because I love you

You will have a backyard to run and jump and play in
Because I love you

Your life won’t be a struggle
Because I love you

You are surrounded by people who love you
Because I love you

I let you go
Because I love you

I can live with this
Because I love you

Adult adoptee questions...

2011-05-10T14:39:00.003-04:00

Questions that crossed a 29 year old adult adoptee’s mind growing up. Take a look at this list and do everything in your power to be able to answer these questions for your child.

1. Does my birthmom miss me?
2. Did she look at me when I was born?
3. Did I mean the world to her?
4. Did she say my name to my face?
5. Was I loved?
6. Did she want me?
7. Did she care?
8. Is she my real birth mom since she doesn’t look like me?
9. Why did she leave me?
10. Why did she keep my siblings instead of me?
11. Lack of money?
12. Did she love my dad?
13. Was I a one night stand?
14. Was it a summer romance?
15. What time was it?
16. Who held her hand?
17. Was I a problem?
18. Am I erased?
19. Was she afraid?
20. Was I quickly taken away?
21. What was the day like?
22. Was it sad?
23. What about my grandparents?

A beautiful Mother's Day testimonial by Heidi....read on if you are waiting to adopt!

2011-05-05T09:05:00.004-04:00

As Mother's Day approaches I feel compelled to share. Mother's Day overwhelms me with emotion. Let me bring you back to the Mother's Days of years past.

7 year ago on Mother's Day we were starting to try to have a baby and I was anxious and excited to hopefully become a mother. 6 years ago, Mother's Day got hard. Hard because having a baby biologically was taking a lot longer than we thought it would take. Most people get pregnant in about a year, correct, and believe me I have heard many stories of those who get pregnant in one month- and act as if it was "nothing" to get pregnant. I hadn't though much about infertility until we went through it. The heart break of every month not being pregnant, buying all those fertility test and pregnancy tests and always being let down. Then after you try for a year you start to go to poking and prodding doctor's appointments and try different things they have all laid out in a what seems like 100 step process and expensive process. Well I am thankful that we were given an answer for our infertility and it wasn't just simply "unexplained." The answer that we only had a 3-5% chance of ever having a baby biologically was devastating, however we threw ourselves into adoption shortly before Mother's Day 5 years ago.

We were in full adoption swing and matched with a birth mother before Mother's Day 5 years ago. However before Mother's Day came, we found out the match was not going to work. So Mother's Day 5 years ago was close to the most devastating of all Mother's Day. I wanted to be a mom so bad, and so many people were able to have babies SO easily. I remember sitting in church and feeling so alone and so broken. Why do we not have a better support system for those suffering with infertility? My goals someday is to start some sort of infertility support system, because although the pain of infertility is mostly gone for me- it is so real for those going through it.

Shortly after Mother's Day 5 years ago, God made me a mother. The gift Aniah's birth mother gave me is more than any gift imaginable. To be a mom IS as I thought it would be- the most amazing of all blessings! I am not a mother who went through pregnancy and childbirth, but a mother who went through an agonizing adoption process and difficult infertility journey and because of another mother's immense pain and anguish I became a mother. MOM is a role I try not to ever take lightly- it is not something that came easily- but was worth every moment and heartache to become.

Little did we know that our Eden was born on Mother's Day 3 years ago. What a blessing for me to have a baby born on Mother's Day- even though we didn't know about her until the day after- but what a bittersweet day that her birth mother has to go through Mother's Day every year with this memory and with this pain and without a child every year. So I celebrate Mother's Day and know how blessed I am, and what it took for me to become a mother. I celebrate that God has given me two girls that I love so very much. But I also grieve for their birth mother's who probably feel the same way I did 3 years ago, like I lost a child and the weight of the grief of losing a child. How must they feel on a day that is meant to celebrate motherhood? I could not be a mom without these two women and yet I can do very little to ease any of their grief. Being a mom is priceless and blissful (well most of the time :)) but it did not come without heartache and grief. So celebrate Mother's Day but also say a prayer for those so desperately wanting and trying to be mother's who have not been able to, and for birth mother's who gave such a selfless gift and who grieve on that day, and for those who have lost babies- however that loss may have occured.

CONGRATS Kirk and Helen

2011-05-04T11:03:00.006-04:00

BIG CONGRATS are going out today to Kirk, Helen and Lindsey on the placement of Leah Grace through a semi-open adoption. Leah was born on September 17, 2010, and placed into the arms of her forever family on April 27, 2011. Please be in prayer for Leah's birth family as they walk through this season of grief.

Celebrate Mother's Day!

2011-05-02T12:00:00.003-04:00

Thank you Alicia for writing this beautiful article....

Mother's Day is soon upon us. A day we mothers look forward to. A day we are honored, celebrated and pampered. A day that we take pride in.This day we are showered with cards, flowers, gifts, praise and words of encouragement. We celebrate this day with special meals and activities prepared and planned so thoughtfully by our children and spouses. This day, above others, we feel special, loved and appreciated.

But this year is different for me. We adopted Eden last October. This mother's day, I will remember Eden's birth mother. What will this day be like for her? This may not be a day she looks forward to. She may not be honored, celebrated or pampered. A day in which she may not be proud of. A day where she might not recieve gifts, words of encouragement, or a special meal. She may not have children or a family to celebrate with on this day. She may not feel special, loved, or appreciated. She may even experience feelings of sadness and loss.

It is my hope that Eden's birth mother know how honored and appreciated she is. How we celebrate her and the sacrifices she has made. It is my hope that she feels proud on this day knowing she did such an honorabe thing. And it is my prayer that she feels loved by our family and our Heavenly Father on this day.

I encourage all of you to share your celebration of motherhood with the ones who gave you the gift of motherhood.

CONGRATS Michael and Anne

2011-04-25T10:39:00.004-04:00

BIG CONGRATS are going out today to Michael and Anne on the placement of their son William David through an open adoption. William was born on April 14 and placed into the arms of his forever family on April 15. Please be in prayer for William's birth family as they walk through this season of grief.

Remember Birth Mother's Day

2011-04-19T16:09:00.003-04:00

One of our adoptive parents sent me this information on purchasing a Birth Mother's Day card (that is nationally recognized the day before Mother's Day). Each couple who has adopted should recognize their child's first mother on this day with a small token of their appreciation.

On this site you can also personalize the message AND upload pix to the cards! What a great way to document our child to his Birthmom year after year--and I ordered 2 cards--one for her, and one for me to keep. There are limited resources for Birth Mother's Day out in the world, and just thought I would share a cool site----there is over 60 options for Birth Mother Day Cards. OH YEAH, it is actually cheap too ($3/card--free personalization) and only $1.60 shipping--AND they ship next business day. Here is link to their site.

http://www.greetingcarduniverse.com/shopping/cb.asp?keyword=birth+mothers+day

CONGRATS Steven and LouAnne

2011-04-13T15:29:00.004-04:00

BIG CONGRATS are going out today to Steven, LouAnne, Sara and Zach on the placement of Anna Ruth through a semi-open adoption. Anna was born on March 29 and placed into the arms of her forever family on April 8. Please be in prayer for Anna's birth family as they walk through this season of grief.

The CAS annual picnic is coming!

2011-04-13T09:31:00.006-04:00

I love the spring picnic (shoot I love anything in the spring honestly!) that CAS holds every year. It is a time for old friends to get together and new friends to be made. This year the picnic is going to be held in a covered shelter at the Dan Nicholas Park in Salisbury, NC, on May the 21st. PLEASE plan on coming! You have NO IDEA how it encourages those of us who work with adoptive families and birth families to see the children and meet the families. It keeps us going through all of the hard days that we endure (and that is the honest truth). This year we are asking for a $10 donation for each family that will be given to Gentle Hands, a Christian orphanage in the Phillippines. They are caring for more than 70 special needs children that the other orphanages would not take and would of left to die.

They are asking for air conditioning units to keep the children cool (they need 5 and CAS is going to do our best to raise the money for at least one). Your $10 donation will go toward the $1000 that CAS is raising to provide one AC unit for these precious children. If you cannot attend you can still give! Give in the name of the child that God has blessed your family with (or who by faith you are still waiting for!).

The photo is of Remy a precious little man with CP who was adopted by a CAS family from Gentle Hands orphanage. His little life has infinite value to God who hand picked him for his forever family!

May 21st marks the event that CAS staff and families anticipate all year long: the annual CAS Family Picnic! This day is designed to be a celebration of adoption and of families that have been brought together by this beautiful act of love. This year, we've decided to do something different. CAS has decided to use this celebration of family as an opportunity to care for the orphan by supporting children who are still waiting for their forever families. In answer to God's call to care for the orphan, we are asking each family to bring $10 (or a larger donation, if you feel so led) to support the child caring facility, Gentle Hands, Inc., in the Philippines. Recently, Gentle Hands has been featured in CAS' quarterly bulletin as well as our e-bulletin for the month of April. CAS is honored to support this ministry, which is led by a tender-hearted, God-fearing staff who work tirelessly to care for these precious children. Our goal is to raise $1,000 at the picnic this year which will provide a new air conditioner for the GH facility. This year, as you pack your lunches and ready your vehicle to set out for Dan Nicholas park with your family, take a moment to consider the over 70 children at Gentle Hands who do not yet have parents to call their own. We challenge families who are unable to attend the picnic to consider donating $10 to Gentle Hands as well. You can do so through the "Donate Now" button on our webpage (http://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?llr=leblfzdab&et=1105132234177&s=4&e=001RuSDB9fUQrBsyZsjOwf5fpZcHkenuU-9JumBSwfX9r9nqH-wNb2EZa4xoHhllOjd4Bbh_msYW8K6iTZPiwPxHd4euHvxPegQk6hdM8-65cWWeMP4ymbi9A==). When submitting an online payment, please indicate that your donation is for Gentle Hands. For more details about the picnic, please visit the Calendar (http://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?llr=leblfzdab&et=1105132234177&s=4&e=001RuSDB9fUQrAjMTPBtg61tdeS71Bub1effBIPY55BNWNis7px6wVrWmmXALMuwv8B3VqA8PFt5g-KsZe6cj2QTKL0G0dKenASaTlspb5cNM01VeV5rXUb5Ozr9LRWBjMW13fcKpYBLgDchk0izXmT4A==) of our website or email Marilyn at cas@christianadopt.org. To find out more about Gentle Hands, visit their webpage at: http://r20.rs6.net/tn.jsp?llr=leblfzdab&et=1105132234177&s=4&e=001RuSDB9fUQrC-Jdneu_hZEmqd6Wx8OGzVLDmEqMRyLLmM9ZFFKLMsc1OpVOeC_naE3tXh_oyTDyyvhm95WMR-txhOSL-CXLKsICBr6qSc-C2L95uJSlgNPQ==.

CONGRATS Ted and Cheryl

2011-04-12T08:50:00.004-04:00

BIG CONGRATS are going out today to Ted, Cheryl, Emily, Abby and Kerry on the placement of Lucy Evelyn through a semi-open adoption. Lucy was born on April 3 and placed into the arms of her forever family on April 4. Please be in prayer for her birth family as they walk through this season of grief.

PS. I just have to say that I love, love, love that hair and sweet, chunky kissable cheeks!

Talking with your Child about Adoption

2011-04-07T10:07:00.002-04:00

Talking Tips Adoptive mom and author Carrie Krueger offers these ten tips for talking with your child about adoption, getting him or her to talk to you, and preparing him or her to talk to others, especially in school. 1) It's important that kids know it's okay not to answer questions. Parents can model this when a friend or stranger intrudes with a question. A calm "I don't care to discuss it" is fine. When my daughter was asked why she didn't have a dad, an option would have been to say, "That's just the way our family is." There's no need to go into detail. 2) Role-play possible questions and answers. In one family where brothers are of different races, the boys hear, "Is he your REAL brother?" a lot. The children's father has them practice an answer: "He sure is!" End of discussion. Be proactive, don't wait for the ugly or intrusive comment to discuss responses. Talk through the kinds of things children might hear on the playground and help them think of how they might reply. 3) Just because your adopted child doesn't stand out doesn't mean you don't need to keep talking. For some children adoption is "written all over their faces"; for others it would be easy to "pass" as a birth child. In either case, the need for communication and developing a competence in adoption issues is vital. "All children who are adopted need to feel comfortable with their adoption story," says Nancy Kaplan, child and family therapist and adoption social worker. "You can't assume that because your child looks like you that he or she will never have to answer questions about adoption in a public forum." 4) Silence is not golden. It's wrong to assume that kids who don't bring up their adoption are not dealing with adoption issues. To help your child prepare to face the public, those private discussions are vital. Some experts recommend a "once a month" approach. If the child doesn't initiate discussion, you bring it up once a month or so in a safe, easy way. For example, I said to my daughter on the eve of her birthday, "I bet your birthmom is thinking about you tonight." Though she never would have brought it up, it led to a wonderful and emotional conversation. 5) Allow and be prepared for school situations to bring up sadness and grief. Kaplan counsels schools on adoption issues and tells of one boy who was devastated when his class played a "guess who?" game with baby pictures. "He was adopted at five, and not having a baby picture is very painful for him. He was relieved to discover that there were a number of other children who also couldn't produce baby pictures. It was an opportunity for him to grieve some of what he has lost in life. He needed a tremendous amount of support during this time. In the end he decided to do a beautiful picture board of his favorite pictures of himself. 6) Never force your kids to share adoption information with others. 'Nuf said on that. Likewise, help your child feel proud of his or her roots without making the child a poster-child for adoption. For example, many parents are tempted to do some adoption education in their child's school. While this is a noble intention, it sets up their child for additional attention he or she may not welcome. A different idea might be to swap schools with another parent to get the adoption education done without forcing the personal connection on your child. 7) Know that adoption will come up again and again—and when you least expect it. A unit on Martin Luther King, Jr., caused my daughter to ask me, "Mommy, are we white?" She cried when she realized the "Whites Only" sign in her book on Martin Luther King, Jr., would have applied to her. For an adoptive parent with a child of the same race, the issue was brought home in high school when his child was asked to trace a genetic trait through the family. 8) Don't take one success (like the star of the week) as a sign that you're done. Adoption is a lifelong process. The kindergartner who freely shares his adoption story with the classroom may well be the second grader who refuses to go to a Tet celebration because he is "not Vietnamese." 9) Allow your child to experience a range of emotions surrounding his or her adoption. Just because the adoption has been a wonderful thing for you doesn't mean it isn't a bit of a mixed bag for your child. Giving your child a safe place to express those feelings including anger, sadness, and loss, will make it easier for him or her to face a curious classmate or a tactless teacher, because the child will be in touch with feelings rather than caught off guard by them. 10) All kids are different. Some kids talk about adoption all the time; some never bring it up. Some connect every piece of school curriculum to adoption; some never draw a connection, or if they do, they don't talk about it. Different children require different approaches, but all adopted kids deserve parents who support them in understanding their adoption. Like sex education and drug awareness, all children need early and ongoing adoption education. © 2000 Copyright Adoptive Families Magazine.

Feeling Discouraged or Sad

2011-04-01T10:45:00.002-04:00

Too often in our lives we experience the hurt of discouragement and rejection.So often we feel as though nothing else could possibly go wrong, and then it does... Your dreams and plans fall apart before your eyes.

It is so common to encounter painful times in our lives where God feels distant.It feels as though we walk the hard road alone, and no one understands the struggles we are going through.When disappointment comes, it floods our lives all at once, and defeat slowly creeps in until we feel like giving up.

Personally, I have struggled with discouragement in my life a lot lately.Every time I turn the corner I face more rejection, or someone telling me I'm not quite good enough.At least so it seems.I know people don't intend to make me feel that way, but the reality of it is, I just can't help feeling discarded and worthless.I catch myself buying into the lies that Satan desperately wants me to believe.He wants me to give up and throw in the towel. He wants me to think there is no hope for my life.Yet God's word tells me otherwise.He desires to build character within my life, and mature me, so I can be more available to do His work.

Romans 5:3-5 says,"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. (esv.)

Even during the hardest and most disappointing times in our lives, God is creating Christ-like character within us.Suffering is a part of God's plan to make us more compassionate and loving.However, He does not make us go through the struggles alone, but walks with us every step of the way, and gives us strength to keep moving forward despite opposition. In fact, in Deuteronomy 31:8, we learn, "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

God also tells us not to give up because His plan is far beyond our comprehension; If something doesn't work out the way we expect it to, we must recognize God's sovereignty, knowing He never shuts one door without opening another, which is far better according to His plan for each of us!

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."(esv.)

Be encouraged.You are not alone in your trials.In fact, Jesus himself knows rejection greater than anyone else.He wants to mend your heart and restore you, so He can use you for something incredible!! Even if you don't understand why at the time, just wait, because He knows what is best for you!

CONGRATS Corey and Kathryn

2011-03-31T11:11:00.003-04:00

BIG CONGRATS are going out today to Corey and Kathryn on the placement of their son, Emmanuel Stone, through a semi-open adoption. Emmanuel was born on March 17 and placed into the arms of his forever family on March 19. Please be in prayer for Emmanuel's birth family as they walk through this season of grief.

2011-03-28T11:43:00.004-04:00

One of our adoptive families sent me this link to an Etsy shop of a woman who makes amazing tshirts, onesies and blankets that promote a positive view of adoption! I LOVE THEM! Take a look and consider ordering one for your little bundle of joy.... http://www.etsy.com/listing/44860557/3-to-6-months-adoption-definition

When the cradle remains empty

2011-03-24T13:49:00.003-04:00

Today I am sending you the link to a blog that I visit quite often. She has a wonderful video today on trusting God through infertility and that His plan is the best plan for your family. The counselor is an adoptive mother of 4 children so I think it would be worth a few minutes of your time to watch. Enjoy!

http://preciousadornment.wordpress.com/2011/03/24/when-the-cradle-remains-empty/

SIDS

2011-03-23T10:14:00.002-04:00

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) is one of the leading causes of death among infants one month through one year of age in the United States. The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD) defines SIDS as the sudden death of an infant under one year of age which remains unexplained after a thorough case investigation, including performance of a complete autopsy, examination of the death scene and review of the clinical history. SIDS is a diagnosis of exclusion, assigned only once all known and possible causes of death have been ruled out.

SIDS claims the lives of almost 2,500 infants in the US each year - that's nearly 7 babies every day.

SIDS is not caused by "baby shots."

SIDS deaths occur unexpectedly and quickly to apparently healthy infants, usually during periods of sleep.

SIDS is not caused by suffocation, choking, or smothering.

SIDS is not caused by child abuse or neglect.

SIDS is not contagious.

SIDS occurs in families of all races and socioeconomic levels.

SIDS cannot be predicted or prevented and can claim any baby, in spite of parents doing everything right.

Reduce The Risk

We don’t know what causes SIDS, so we cannot say how to “avoid” it, but we can provide you with the most up-to-minute guidelines for reducing the risk of SIDS and other sudden unexplained infant deaths (SUID). First and foremost, educate yourself and everyone who cares for your baby on how to reduce the risks by following these guidelines:

1. Always lay your baby to sleep face up.Side and tummy positions are not safe; check with your doctor if your baby has breathing problems.

2. Don’t smoke while pregnant and never smoke near your infant.While pregnant or considering pregnancy do not smoke. Never let others smoke near your baby. Smoking is a major risk factor for SIDS.

3. Don’t let your baby get too hot.Overheating is a leading risk factor for SIDS. Dress your baby in as much or as little as you would wear. If your baby is sweating, has damp hair, or a heat rash, he or she may be too hot. Room fans have been shown to reduce the risk of SIDS. Consider using a wearable blanket or other type of sleeper instead of a blanket.

4. Lay your baby to sleep in an approved crib, on a firm mattress.Do not let the baby sleep on soft things, like a couch, pillow, sheepskin, foam pad, or waterbed. Remove all loose bedding, stuffed animals, and pillows from crib. Crib bumpers are not recommended and can be hazardous.

5. Create a healthy lifestyle for you and your baby.When pregnant, see your doctor often and do not use drugs or alcohol. Talk with your doctor about changes in your baby and how your baby acts.

6. If possible, breast feed your baby.Breast feeding has been shown to reduce the risk of SIDS.

7. Offer your baby a pacifier at all sleep times.Pacifiers have been shown to reduce the risk of SIDS.

8. Put your baby on his or her tummy to play when your baby is awake and supervised.Make sure someone is always watching. “Tummy Time” is good for your baby because it makes neck and shoulder muscles stronger.

9. Don’t share sleep surfaces.Adult beds, couches, and chairs are not safe for infant sleep and increase the risk of SIDS, suffocation and accidental infant death. After breast feeding put your baby back in his or her crib.

10. Share these tips with everyone who cares for your baby.Education is the key to keeping your baby safe.

Information from http://www.cjsids.org/

Killer deal on an infant car seat and stroller!

2011-03-22T16:56:00.003-04:00

Today on Zulily, you can get a Britax Infant Carrier for only $129.99 — regularly $230!! You can even pick up the matching stroller for $119.99 (down from $300).

If you are waiting and you do not have a carseat already you need to go ahead and purchase one. Britax is a great brand to purchase (along with Baby Trend, Chicco and the Graco Safeseat).

DO NOT come to the hospital with a used car seat (unless you used it yourself less than 4 years ago), one that has been in a crash (even a minor fender bender) or a car seat more than 4 years old. We will make you go out and purchase a new one before you can take the baby home....

CONGRATS Joel and Marla

2011-03-22T09:46:00.004-04:00

BIG CONGRATS are going out today to Joel and Marla on the placement of their son Mason Jeremiah through a open adoption. Mason was born on February 25 and placed into the arms of his forever family on February 26, 2011. Please be in prayer for Mason's birth family as they walk through this season of grief.

PS--I love, love, love that head of hair! (I just had to say it....)

Meant to Be

2011-03-21T09:55:00.001-04:00

I LOVE this video by Ryan Bomberger who runs the Radiance Foundation (www.theradiancefoundation.org) helping to promote a respect for life and adoption. He has also done an amazing job calling attention to the abortion industry's targeting of black babies--a racial genocide.

Ryan wrote a song to his birth mother entitled "Meant to Be" years after learning that she was raped. He said that he wrote the song to so that she would know that something beautiful came out of her pain. A part of the song says, "And now I can love all because of you."

Unplanned Doesn’t Necessarily Equal Unwanted

2011-03-18T10:27:00.002-04:00

I love this post from the Birth Mom Buds blog (http://birthmom-buds.blogspot.com/) as I think this is a common misconception in adoption. Please take the time to read this:

Sometimes society views adopted children as unwanted or unloved because the birth mother made an adoption plan and “gave her baby away.” Sometimes it’s assumed that she didn’t want or love her child. Do mothers who make adoption plans really not love their children or not want them?

Of course not! Just because an expectant mother is considering adoption or actively making an adoption plan or because a birthmother made an adoption plan five, ten, or even thirty years ago does not make her baby unwanted or any less loved than the woman painting her nursery pink down the street.

I didn’t try to get pregnant with Charlie and I didn’t want to get pregnant at that time in my life which is why I was on birth control in the first place. But, the unthinkable happened and I found myself unexpectedly pregnant. Sure, there were times throughout the pregnancy that I thought why couldn’t this have happened a few years later when my life was in order and I was ready to parent but the circumstances were what they were at that moment in my life and wishful thinking wouldn’t change them.

Although I didn’t want to be pregnant at that time, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t want and love my baby. I loved my baby with every piece of my heart. I spent many sleepless nights tossing and turning wondering what would be the best decision for my unborn baby. And once I decided to make an adoption plan, I chose the family, I asked them questions, and I got to know them over the duration of my pregnancy. I did all those things because I loved my baby. Once Charlie was born, I spent precious time with him telling him how much he was loved.

And now, even though it’s hard at times, I maintain an open adoption relationship with Charlie and his family. Just because he was placed for adoption doesn’t mean that he was unwanted or unloved.

For those of you who are waiting....

2011-03-16T11:03:00.003-04:00

Hope is confident expectancy. The Lord will always do what He says He will do. You can count on Him! His love and mercy are never failing!

Let's all take a moment today to praise God for the hope that we have in Him and for the promises that He has given to us! The Lord WILL bring about in His time what He has promised. Wait with hope because He is working even when you cannot see behind the scenes of life!

2011-03-16T09:28:00.002-04:00

Take a look at this blog: http://danielandlyndsie.blogspot.com/

Lyndsie is having guests post about adoption on her blog and share their stories. Now I am pretty biased but I believe that CAS does a wonderful job (not perfect mind you) of working with mother's/father's who are considering adoption and then listening to God's leading as to where the children should be placed. This is a ministry first of all to the children who cannot speak up for themselves. So what better way to share how God has blessed your family than to share your adoption experience.

Hop on over to her blog and share what God has done in your family's life through the miracle of adoption. I can't wait to read about some of our CAS babies!

"For the Mighty One has done great things for me--holy is His name" (Luke 1:49).

Adoption baby books-

2011-03-15T09:42:00.003-04:00

I came across an AMAZING baby book that is specifically made for a child who has been adopted. It tells all about the adoptive family (why they are adopting, the process they went through, what it felt like to see the child for the first time, a letter from the mom/dad to their child, etc.) and it has a section to fill in all about the biological family (photos of them, their birth family tree, if they wrote a letter to the child explaining why he/she was released for adoption there is a section to place it for the child to read later on).

All in all it is a beautiful baby book to honor a child's birth and adoptive heritage. I am including a link to their website on here so you can take a look (it also has a section where you can find stores to order the baby book from and yes it comes in either pink or blue):

http://www.pennylainepapers.com/catalog/PLP_BABIES/Baby_Books_for_Adoptions

2011-03-11T11:19:00.003-05:00

An Unmatched Set

Could I love a child who doesn’t look like me? Yes. More than I’ve ever thought possible.

At our wedding, friends assured my husband and me that we would create good-looking children. And we believed them. It's that cloning fantasy: our children would be miniature versions of ourselves, inheriting only our best features. I pictured a child with my green eyes and his thick, black hair. My dreams left out our worst features: big nose, freckles, a long second toe, and a proclivity to indigestion. So many of our dreams (and fears) were shattered along the way: all that talk about how pretty our children would be...and it turned out we couldn’t even have any. When we started considering adoption, I wondered if I could feel like a mother to a child who didn’t resemble me or my husband. Much as we all like to think of ourselves as consumed with thoughts more lofty than the issue of appearances, looks play into the emotional process before and after an adoption takes place. Adoption is like a blind date in some ways...a permanent one. Early in the process, birthparent and child are faceless to potential adoptive parents. Adoptive parents worry that their child will be ugly or a dud, or both. They care about looks, not because they are hopelessly superficial, but because they want to fall in love with the stranger who will become their child. Whether or not you like your own looks, they are familiar, and there is something safe about that. It’s almost as if looking alike will ensure a degree of cohesiveness. Look-alike families are assumed to belong together, but families like ours—who don’t match—are seen as curious groupings of individuals. A white woman holding the hand of a little black boy prompts guessing: His social worker? His baby-sitter? His black father’s white girlfriend? His mother? (No, that couldn’t be.)

Minimizing Differences

Once adoptive parents decide that they can parent a child of a different race, they’ve got a more brutal decision to make—one so distasteful, it’s often avoided. They must engage in a shameless discussion about skin pigmentation: how dark is too dark? Many who cross the color line are willing to do so on a continuum of palatability that often reveals an unspoken (and unspeakable) preference for yellow over brown, brown over black, light over dark. Even within a transracial adoption, it seems, we try to minimize the differences between ourselves and our children. There are many more Asian than African babies adopted by Caucasian parents, as if the yellow-white combination is less transracial than the black-white one. Some of us give ourselves high marks in the discrimination department, but we demonstrate our colorism by preferring brown children (whether Latino, African-American, or mixed race) with European features over black children who share none of our physical attributes. Bizarre as it sounds, white parents of non-white kids remain wishful about family resemblance. The attraction of opposites seems to apply more to personality than to appearance. Often couples not only share some physical attributes, they even look alike. Blondes gravitate to blondes, and brunettes gravitate to brunettes. Does the wish for transracial matching follow a similar dynamic—like seeking like—or is it outright racism? I felt like a bigot when I first laid eyes on my son. “He’s so dark,” I thought, and felt ashamed for thinking it. My gut reaction was fueled by gut fear. I was pretty sure I had taken on more than I could handle. Adoption of a white kid would have been enough of a stretch, but we had to go for a baby that came not only out of someone else’s body, but out of someone else’s culture. What kind of pseudo-Peace Corps types were we pretending to be? All I could think was that we were too white to be the parents of someone this black.

A Resounding Yes

Since that rocky start, our lives, as a transracial family, have grown to feel exactly right. Though no one will mistake the boy sitting next to me for my offspring, he certainly feels like my son. A brown child has become familial, so brown children are now familiar. Pink kids look bland to me in comparison to the beautiful mixtures we see in children of color, adopted and not. Is it possible that mixed-race children, like our son, are more beautiful than the population at large? Or does it just seem that way? Perhaps a kind of reverse preference evolves in transracial families, but it is not very different from the old idea of brunettes liking brunettes. If we perceive our family as a beautiful blend, we see the beauty in others’ blends. Put more simply, we are attracted to ourselves. In the first stages of being a family created by transracial adoption, we were aware of how different from our son we looked. As time has progressed and the emotional cement of family has hardened, we feel unified (even though the world does not always see us as belonging together). Looking nothing like my child causes questions and looks, but it holds no charge as a threat. We are family. Having said that, it is also true that we take great delight in discovering the ways we resemble one another. When people say that my son and I have the same smile, my smile gets even bigger. Even though I was a closet pro-cloner when I first married, custom designing the image of my offspring, I ended up with a child who is more beautiful than the one his father and I would have made. When I think back to my pre-adoption fear—“Could I love a kid who doesn’t look like me?”—I know the answer now. I know that you can love a child who doesn’t match and that that child will be nothing short of beautiful to you. I also know that you will sometimes forget that you don’t look alike.

Jana Wolff (http://www.janawolff.com/) is the author of Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother, now in its fifth printing. She and her family live in Honolulu.Three adult adoptees talk about the experience of looking different...It’s not so easy on the other side.

How Black is Black?

For most of my life, a question people were fond of asking, “Which one of your parents is Black?” would require an answer I didn’t have. I would have to explain something more intimate than I cared to, or fall back on a repertoire of lies I told to mask that I was from Attleboro, Massachusetts, which wasn’t on that tribal map; that I was “mixed” and not just from one of those “color-struck” Black families who bred to keep the bloodlines light; and that I was a transracial adoptee. If I started by offering just a piece of that truth, it invited curiosity, more questions, and in the end I felt terribly exposed. For a long time, until I was in my late twenties and well into my search for my birth family, I practiced lying. I hid my adoption fiercely, until some terrifying moment of truth (Catherine, your parents are here!) collided with the elaborate lies and sartorial adjustments I’d perfected for so many years. Most people, despite their curiosity, really wanted to hear you affirm the politics of the “One Drop” rule of Blackness. It was easiest to shrug and say, “I’m just Black.” They’d take it just like that—comfortable that you hadn’t troubled a baseline of assumptions about who any of us are.–Catherine E. McKinley, from The Book of Sarahs: A Memoir of Race and Identity forthcoming in October. Copyright © 2002. Reprinted with permission from Counterpoint, a member of the Perseus Books Group. All rights reserved.

Constant Questions

My adoptive parents, both nisei, are solidly cemented into the Japanese American community. They have their friends from half a century now, who all grew up together in New York City public schools, all with immigrant parents, mothers who were picture brides, fathers who didn’t speak English. They stick together. I grew up between them, bolstered by their unflinching love for me, the way they never question my “authenticity.” My parents’ people took me in, called me “Susie-chan.” Yet without my parents, I feel shy, self-conscious about joining the Japanese community in California. I worry that they’ll look at me sideways, saying, “What is she doing here?”Whenever I was out with one parent, new acquaintances would always assume that the other parent was White. And why wouldn’t they? They were innocent questions, innocent assumptions, but the years of constant questions, the curiosity, the nosiness, have left me with a bitter taste that won’t go away.I go to a conference of mixed race people and am moved and astounded to see the hundreds of other people who, in a peculiar way, all look like me, even as we are singularly different. Yet everyone else seems to come from a family with two identifiable parents: “I get my blue eyes from him, but my black hair is from her.” They get to see the source of their mixture, their differences split by their blended roots. It is as if half of my mirror is covered up.–Susan Ito, from her essay “Hambun-Hambun,” which originally appeared in Pact Press. Susan is editor of A Ghost at Heart’s Edge: Stories and Poems of Adoption (North Atlantic Books).

A Family Resemblance

When my father introduced me as his daughter to the new receptionist at his office, she was astonished. “You are? You don’t look anything alike!” At first I thought she was simply making a joke, as she saucily followed up her exclamation with, “I mean, you’re so good-looking, and he’s…” We all chuckled, but then she persisted. “So, you must look more like your mother, hm?” I didn’t know how to answer. I quickly catalogued my parents: If comparing me to Nancy [my adoptive mother who had died when I was six], I resembled her more. If comparing me to Kathy [my father’s second wife], I resembled Dad more. And if comparing me to Hannah [my birthmother], I not only resembled her more, but the physical comparison to my father became irrelevant, or at least shifted to a separate category. Which mother, I wanted to ask the receptionist?I paused, and Dad swept in to respond, “She’s just like me,” encompassing personality as well as appearance. And in many ways he was right.–Sarah Saffian, from her book ITHAKA: A Daughter’s Memoir of Being Found (Random House). Sarah is a member of Adoptive Families’ editorial advisory board.

2011-03-10T09:36:00.001-05:00

TAKING CONTROL OF THE WAIT

One mom counted, another made lists. What did she keep track of?

1. The process: Checking off each step feels like a small victory.

2. What to do after you get a referral
3. Whom to call: Reason escapes you when you get “the call.”
4. Names, names, names: Will you preserve your child’s name, or pore through baby-names books?
5. Prepare yourself: Read adoption books, freeze one-dish meals.
6. Prepare your home: Decorate the child’s room, baby-proof.
7. Boring but necessary: Adjust your health- and life-insurance policies, start thinking about schools.
8. Mementos: List the photos you want to take (the hospital entrance, the extended family) and souvenirs you want to buy from the town of your child's birth.
9. Packing list: Bring a new infant carseat!
10. Read any book you can get your hands on about adoption! Take seminars and webinars to learn more information! Remember knowledge is power.
—Jenni Colson

CONGRATS Micah and Lisa

2011-03-04T10:47:00.004-05:00

BIG CONGRATS are going out today to Micah and Lisa on the placement of their son, Caleb Alvin, through a semi-open adoption. Caleb was born on February 23 and placed into the arms of his forever family on February 25. Please be in prayer for Caleb's birth family as they walk through this season of grief.

PS. As an added bonus you get a picture of Doris and I doing what we love to do-even late at night!

Should I Friend our Birthmother?

2011-03-03T14:43:00.003-05:00

Facebook has dramatically changed the way information is exchanged in adoption. Experts and parents offer advice on navigating social media.
By Carrie Krueger

Adoptive parents and expectant parents exchange increasingly personal information before the adoption plan is finalized. Instead of the traditional letter update, birthparents may now have access to real-time updates on their birth child’s milestones and daily activities. Extended adoptive families have the option of forming online ties with extended birth families. And adopted teens may decide unilaterally to connect with their birthparents without consulting their parents. All of this is happening through the social networking giant, Facebook.

While many celebrate this expansion of openness in adoption, experts recommend caution. Here are some practical tips for setting boundaries, advice on navigating the emotional side of virtual contact, and talking points to guide difficult conversations.

Before the Adoption For decades now, adoptive parents and expectant parents have been getting to know one another before the child’s birth. For some families, this has meant an intense relationship built on frequent phone calls and joint prenatal visits. For others, the relationship involved just one face-to-face meeting, with all contact moderated by an agency or social worker.
Now, after making a match, many adoptive parents and expectant mothers are faced with the question, do we “friend” each other? Facebook is an easy way to stay in touch, but some worry about revealing too much too soon. And how do you “unfriend” yourselves if the adoption falls through?

Facebook is a factor in almost every adoption agreement that facilitator Sarah Jensen works on these days. She advises setting up separate Facebook pages, to avoid having the details of a pending adoption playing out in a public forum, accessible to friends, colleagues, and extended family.

Jeni, a birthmother in Washington, found that connecting with adoptive parents on Facebook during her pregnancy “caused some hiccups in our developing relationship.” Members of her extended family who weren’t on board with the adoption made negative comments on hers and the adoptive mother’s pages. After speaking with their social worker, she and the adoptive mom moved the relationship off Facebook. They now communicate via e-mail. “I think it works better this way,” says Jeni.

Other families find that pre-adoption Facebook contact can work, but say that the relationship won’t be stress-free. “My third child’s birthmother initiated Facebook contact prior to his birth,” says Melissa Dobson. “At first, her updates pondered what to do about her upcoming baby, and, halfway through our revocation period, wondering whether she made the right decision. It was stressful to see those posts. On the flipside, when she posted how she knew she’d made the best decision for her son, it was uplifting.”

Even if Facebook seems to be working for you before the adoption, attorney Mark McDermott says that it is no substitute for face-to-face meetings. He warns that it’s common for miscommunications to occur, and cites a case in which an expectant mother decided not to continue with the adoption, based on something she saw on the prospective adoptive mother’s Facebook page.

Practical:

Create a separate account (Facebook or other) for adoption-related contact, at least while building trust.

Make face-to-face contact your goal. Do not rely solely on Facebook as a way to get to know one another.

Spell out the details of online contact in your adoption agreement.

Emotional:

Beware of misinterpreting or overanalyzing online communication. Young people are more likely to “tell all” in their profiles or status updates.

Allow the relationship to build over time. “Sometimes people get too close too soon. They kind of fall in love with each other,” says Rita Taddonio, Director of the Adoption Resource Center, in New York City. “If someone has to pull back, it’s painful.”

Don’t take Facebook as the last word. Bonding via a social network does not mean a greater chance of adoption. If plans change, online relationships make an emotional situation more challenging.

Talking Points:

Agree on boundaries as to commenting on one another’s walls and sharing photos, including how you will address one another.

Discuss the merits of being “friends” in a public arena versus connecting privately.

Decide where extended family members fit in. If you friend a potential birthmother, should you also friend the birth grandmother? This is probably not appropriate before an adoption is completed.

Ongoing Contact

While Facebook is changing the way adoptive parents and expectant mothers connect before the child’s birth, it has already revolutionized post-adoption relationships. Dwindling contact used to be a common experience for parents in open adoptions. But Facebook provides great potential for keeping relationships strong. As Jensen notes, young birthparents may change addresses or phone numbers, but Facebook remains a constant.

Switching from snail mail packets to weekly, or even daily, Facebook updates is a big change, but many who have made the shift praise the site as an ideal way to stay connected. “For the first four years, we sent photos and detailed updates, but contact began to feel one-sided. Then our son’s birthmother friended me on Facebook,” says mom Adina. “To be honest, I hesitated before accepting the request. Our updates were always carefully composed. Did I want to share my life, uncensored? I decided that a clear window into our daily life was the least I could do for my son’s birthmother. As it turns out, I love knowing more about her life, and I’ve connected with several other birth family members.”

Although sharing the everyday ups and downs gives many parents pause, like Adina, Christine Zwerling finds she enjoys interacting with birthparents on a daily basis: “It’s been a great way for the birth families to see what the boys are up to—whether it’s a sniffle, a big accomplishment, or just a happy day. After I posted, ‘L hates peas, chucked the bowl across the room,’ his birthmom replied, ‘Well, we all hate peas!’ I get a kick out of little exchanges like that.”
Others find “too much information” to be too much. One mom describes Facebook posts from a birthmom reflecting “dubious lifestyle choices,” including drug and sexual references. Another reports feeling uncomfortable when a birthmom replied instantly to every post, raising questions from friends who noticed the hyper-attentiveness. If you connect through your main account, you’ll need to think before you post. Though, as Sharyn Bergman points out, this is not a bad thing: “If my daughter is driving me crazy, I probably wouldn’t say it on Facebook. I don’t want to upset her birthmother. But, honestly, it’s not appropriate to post such things about your kids, anyway. Better to vent to your spouse after a tough day!”

Jayne gave careful thought to the question of friending an extended birth family member. “I don’t post anything bad or controversial, but I felt uncomfortable with the birth family knowing the ins and outs of our lives every day.” She set up a separate MySpace account, which she reserves for birth family communication. Maintaining separate accounts is a solution that has worked for many adoptive and birth families. As Jensen warns, doing so from the start is the wisest approach. Slapping privacy settings on Facebook, or moving existing communication to a new online venue, can be hurtful. If you must change the level of privacy for an existing account, she says, “Try to make the birthparents part of that decision. Don’t just impose boundaries.”
Given the difficulty of backing out of social media contact, you should enter it thoughtfully. Jensen recommends asking yourself, “Is this harmful?” when accepting friend requests or posting. If it is not, she encourages adoptive parents to go ahead.

Practical:

Develop online relationships slowly, building trust and creating boundaries before allowing unlimited access.

Choose your privacy settings carefully. Facebook recently launched a “groups option,” which allows you to create, say, a “birth family group,” and share your content selectively.

Consider communicating more privately—for example, through a password-protected blog—from the start.

Agree on standards for sharing photos. Some parents allow reposting of photos, as long as the child is not tagged. Keep in mind that, any time you post a picture online, you can’t control who will see it.

Emotional:

Be aware that humor and sarcasm play differently online. For example, a light-hearted expression of parental frustration with a toddler may be misinterpreted.

Apply the same caution and empathy to online communication that you would to carefully composed letters.

Talking Points:

Keep the Facebook dialogue open as new issues arise. For example, if the birthmother’s aunt requests to be your friend, get the birthmother’s thoughts before accepting.

Talk about social media, and how it relates to birthparents, from a young age, says Taddonio. “If you start this conversation when your kids are teens, it will seem intrusive. If you’ve always talked about who their friends are and about their birth family, it will be natural to talk about how you stay in touch with birth family online.”

Develop family Internet safety guidelines and follow them. Tell your child about the dangers of chat rooms, strangers, and unknown links, and always keep your address and phone number private.

When Teens Search It’s not unusual for adopted adolescents to mention that they would like to meet their birth family, especially if they’ve known their birthparents’ names since their earliest years. Some truly want contact. Others are simply expressing a desire for more information. Given the existence of Google, Facebook, and so on, however, it is simple for a teen, acting on impulse, to type in a birthparent’s name and hit “Search.”

A teen will be less likely to search on his own if you’ve always spoken openly about adoption and birthparents in your family. Provide frequent openings to talk. “You can say, ‘If you’re interested in looking up your birthmom on Facebook, I will help you do it, but we’ll go slowly,” says Taddonio. “By your telling your child you’re going to search with him, he won’t have to search in secret.” It may also help to connect your teen with an adult adoptee or a trusted family friend. Some teens are more willing to open up to a third party than to Mom or Dad.

Some teens keep initial contact secret, but open up to their parents after being confronted with unexpected information. Taddonio recalls a 13-year-old boy who was contacted by an older birth sibling. They arranged to meet but, at the last minute, the boy told his mother. She contacted the sibling and explained that she supported her son’s interest in meeting his birth family, but that she wanted to be involved, since he was still a teen. The mother accompanied her son, and it was a successful visit.

Parents should participate in the relationship, then monitor from the sidelines (by being “friends” with both child and birthparent) until the child is at least 16, depending on his emotional maturity.

If your teen decides to search, prepare him for a range of possible outcomes. Taddonio suggests saying, “You know, I’ve read/heard about people who searched for their birth family, and I know there can be many different reactions. Sometimes birthparents are not ready to have contact. How will you feel if that happens?” There’s also the possibility that a child won’t find anyone or any new information through a search.

Jensen stresses that, if the adopted child has known the birthparent all along, communication via the Internet is less of a concern. Even so, after a teen takes charge of the relationship, you should continue to speak with him about what’s being shared, and how he feels about it.

Practical:

Set specific guidelines regarding venue, privacy settings, photos, and so on for all online communication between your child and her birthparents. Stipulate that you be included in contact until your child is at least 16.

Don’t let your child set up a personal e-mail account and Facebook page when he’s too young.

While there is no certain age at which all children are ready, it’s easier to postpone this step than to pull back after it’s been taken.

Keep your expectations realistic. Facebook and other social media are critical social links for many teens. Banning them altogether may not be possible.

Require your child to “friend” you on Facebook, and monitor his activity.

Emotional:

Online contact from birthparents will be very likely. Rather than trying to prevent it, think about how you will react and how to prepare your child.

Understand that teenage adoptees have always had curiosity about their birthparents—the Internet simply makes it easier for them to explore. Make yourself a partner in this process.
If your teen makes contact, be sure the new relationship progresses slowly. “Adoptive parents and birthparents should try to get to know each other through e-mails and calls, until everyone is ready to meet,” says Taddonio.

Talking Points:

If children do not know birthparents, discuss their desire to search, and offer your support for their efforts when the time is right.

If children know their birthparents, talk about the kinds of information cyber connections can bring. Tell them how easy it is to misinterpret things that are posted on Facebook.
Before cyber-searching for birth family, discuss some of the possible results: a birthparent who declines contact, a birthparent in troubling circumstances, or a search that reveals nothing.
Talk with children often and directly about Internet danger. Taddonio reminds us, “Realistically, birthparents should be the least of our worries. Tell kids they have to be careful with everything they put out there.”

Seek expert input if social media seems to be leading to a reunion.

Facebook provides a powerful way for birth and adoptive parents, and their children, to stay in touch. When used with caution and consideration, most find it a positive development that brings new meaning to openness in adoption.

CARRIE KRUEGER is a Web and social media content strategist. She is the adoptive mother of three, and lives with her family in Washington.

Please pray for one of our waiting families....

2011-03-02T15:33:00.004-05:00

I just got word from Sonya that her sweet momma went home to be with Jesus today after her short battle with leukemia. Please pray for Sonya, Scott, their boys and the extended family as they walk through this season of grief. I pray today Sonya that the Lord will comfort you and give you a peace that only He can give. I am glad that your momma is at peace, out of pain and with her Saviour, but I know that you have a huge hole left in your heart.

"No eye has seen no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him." 1 Corinthians 2:9b

2011-03-02T09:37:00.004-05:00

Spring is in the air! I love this season and am constantly reminded of God's blessings that are new every morning. Spring also brings about VACATION TIME! If you are planning on going away for a few days please let us know the dates that you will be gone and how we can reach you if needed. Things tend to happen rather quickly and unexpectedly around here sometimes!

BTW this beatiful picture was taken on Hunting Island, SC, (near Beaufort/Hilton Head) where I plan to spend my spring and summer....or at least my weekends (smiles!).

For those of you who are considering or who have adopted transracially....

2011-03-01T15:07:00.001-05:00

WEBINAR: Building Self-Esteem and Racial Identity in Transracially Adopted Youth

Tuesday, March 15th, 2011
9:00-10:30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time
We provide certificates of participation - just ask!

Dr. Leigh Leslie, Associate Professor and Director of Graduate Studies specializing in race and gender issues, University of Maryland, Department of Family Sciences and Debbie Riley, C.A.S.E. C.E.O. will host this webinar. What do transracially adopted youth need for healthy racial identity development? What influences their ability to develop cohesive racial identity and positive sense of well-being? How can parents equip their children to cope with racial discrimination? The University of Maryland and C.A.S.E. have partnered to conduct cutting-edge research to address these important questions. In addition to exploring these answers, this webinar will include a review of preliminary research findings to help guide parents as they support their child's racial identity. Fee: $10 (partially funded by the Debra Steigerwaldt Waller Foundation for Adoption, Ltd.) **Please note that this webinar is in the evening: 9:00-10:30 p.m. and the time is Eastern Standard Time.

REGISTER NOW!

Watch and listen! Participants must use their telephone AND computer to both hear and see the presentation. Toll-free dial-in/online format enables parents to ask questions and address personal concerns during the workshop.

Toll-free number, web instructions, etc. will be emailed to you
1-day in advance of webinar, upon payment and registration confirmation. Please be sure to check your spam/junk mail for invitation!

PLEASE BE SURE TO INCLUDE YOUR EMAIL WHEN ORDERING. C.A.S.E. CANNOT PROVIDE REFUNDS AS WE PAY THE HOSTING SITE FOR ALL REGISTRANTS IN ADVANCE.

We have webinars scheduled through June 2011!

All workshops and groups require pre-registration!
We provide certificates of participation - just ask!
For more information and to register, visit our Program Calendar on our website at www.adoptionsupport.org

The Center for Adoption Support & Education
4000 Blackburn Lane, Ste. 260
Burtonsville, MD 20866
caseadopt@adoptionsupport.org

CONGRATS Dana and Jewell

2011-02-22T08:37:00.003-05:00

BIG CONGRATS are going out today to Dana and Jewell on the placement of their son, Joseph Alexander, through a semi-open adoption. Joseph was born on February 12 and placed into the arms of his forever family on February 14, 2011. Please be in prayer for Joseph's birth family as they walk through this season of grief.

2011-02-21T19:37:00.003-05:00

I would really love to get some new, fresh blogs up from a birth mother's perspective, domestic adoption, open adoption, etc. Anything that we normally discuss in the domestic program or would be of interest to you please send me an email or send me a message here!

Also if you have a personal blog and I have not added it to the CAS list---send it to me!

2011-02-21T09:07:00.002-05:00

A great reminder to start off your work week from Family Life Today....

Your spouse is a gift from God, tailor-made and unique just for you. Do you treat them as such? Remember, your outward actions ALWAYS display your inward beliefs.

Our annual spring conference is coming---plan to attend!

2011-02-18T09:25:00.003-05:00

We will be holding our annual spring training for the domestic families on Saturday, April 9th, in Matthews, NC. Look for more information to be coming soon to your mailbox. Now we understand that you are busy too, but we are also and we give up our Saturday to come and ensure that you have a successful adoption!

To pre-register please call Marilyn at the CAS office at 704.847.0038 (just a reminder that this is a required workshop for all waiting families who have not attended a spring and a fall training). If you do not attend before you recieve a child you will have to attend before the adoption can be finalized (and you don't want to delay finalization!).

CONGRATS Chris and Linda

2011-02-17T09:40:00.004-05:00

BIG CONGRATS are going out today to Chris and Linda on the placement of their son Austin Lloyd through a open adoption. Austin was born on February 8 and placed into the arms of his forever family on February 10. Please be in prayer for Austin's birth family as they walk through this season of grief.

CONGRATS Mark and Karla

2011-02-15T09:29:00.002-05:00

BIG CONGRATS are going out today to Mark and Karla on the placement of their son Austin Blaine through a semi-open adoption. Austin was born on January 31 and placed into the arms of his forever family on Febury 2, 2011. Please be in prayer for Austin's birth family as they walk through this season of grief.

Taking the Fear out of Open Adoption---Register for this Webinar if you are waiting!!!!

2011-02-10T18:06:00.003-05:00

Taking the Fear Out of Open Adoption

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011
9:00-10:30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time
We provide certificates of participation - just ask!
As children grow, families who have maintained birth family connections often need guidance as they chart this unique journey. Mari Itzkowitz, LCSW will address common questions regarding decisions around contact, setting appropriate boundaries, handling differences between birth and adoptive parents' values and lifestyle choices, as well as the evolution/challenges of changes in relationships over time. Presenters will also discuss how parents can help their children with issues related to grief and loss that are still part of the open adoption experience. Fee: $10 (partially funded by the Debra Steigerwaldt Waller Foundation for Adoption, Ltd.)

REGISTER NOW!
Watch and listen!
Toll-free dial-in/online format enables parents to ask questions and address personal concerns during the workshop.

Toll-free number, web instructions, etc. will be emailed to you
1-day in advance of webinar, upon payment and registration confirmation.

PLEASE BE SURE TO INCLUDE YOUR EMAIL WHEN ORDERING. C.A.S.E. CANNOT PROVIDE REFUNDS AS WE PAY THE HOSTING SITE FOR ALL REGISTRANTS IN ADVANCE.

The Racialization of Adoption

2011-02-10T07:15:00.000-05:00

Adoption is a powerful and emotionally potent act, for the birth mother and the prospective parents. The act of relinquishing a child to someone else and to take in a child, who is not biologically-related, is an incredible act of love and sacrifice. We need to foster an environment where people pursue adoption more and the public is educated about the beautiful stories that typify the adoption experience.

Often times, however, people are more apt to highlighting the negative stories and generalizing those rare instances as normal. People are also unaware that adoption is not, necessarily, an expensive process. Depending on the race of the child and type of adoption, the costs range from $0 to $40,000. Private adoptions of white infants (and international adoptions) can be quite costly. The variance in cost between African-American babies and other races is quite vast, sometimes costing less by tens of thousands of dollars. There are many black children in foster care that can be adopted through the state at no cost to the parent(s)¹. There are many grants and other financial resources available for adoptive parents. Tax credits are also given to encourage adoption.²

Until recently in Georgia (and still in many other states), one of the five factors listed as “Special Needs” adoptions was: being black³. Black children remain in foster care at higher rates than other races and are disproportionately represented (27% of those entering foster care are black even though black children comprise only 15% of the U.S. child population).⁴

There are a number of factors that influence this, but the main factor is race. We are a nation still so uncomfortable with the hue of our skin that we miss out on the ultimate act of racial reconciliation–loving a child of another race simply because they deserve to be loved. Same-race adoptions are beautiful as well as mixed-race adoptions. For some reason, however, with every diatribe about racial healing and better cultural understanding, battle lines have been drawn around adoption. As long as we are human, the evil of racism will always exist. But that should never stop us from endeavoring to rid it where it harms the most vulnerable among us–the welfare of children. We are all guilty of our own prejudices, our firmly held stereotypes, our lack of proaction to be more culturally competent (understanding others’ cultures), and the inability to admit any of it.

“Transracial adoptees do not lose their racial identities-they do not display negative or indifferent racial attitudes about themselves, and their families have as high a success rate as all other adoptees and their families.”

-Rita Simon, Leading Scholar who conducted 20 year longitudinal study, “The Case for Transracial Adoption”

There is an acute lack of awareness surrounding the act and process of adoption. Sometimes people just need a little education. The Radiance Foundation and countless other life-affirming organizations, through community events, conferences and media campaigns, are trying to raise the level of awareness of the need for adoption and for more to be involved. And although the expectation isn’t that every single parent/married couple should/can adopt, we can all play a role through our financial contributions, by volunteering at pregnancy resource centers, supporting birth mothers, and fighting material and spiritual poverty.

At the same time it seems some are more comfortable interacially adopting foreign children (and we need to be concerned about the plight of orphans globally), there is racial/political resistance to transracial adoption of black children that has been going on for decades, and it needs to be exposed. Groups like The National Association of Black Social Workers (NABSW) are rooted in black nationalist ideology and declare that “black children should never be placed in white homes for any reason.”⁴ They reinforced their 1972 Position Statement in 1994.⁶

They oppose the provision in the 1996 InterEthnic Placement Act that eliminates using race as a factor in adoption/foster care placement.⁷ Their advocacy of the prevention of out-of-home placement , including transracial adoption, is not in the best interest of children. So, instead of actively seeking qualified and loving prospective parents (of any race), African-American children then languish in foster care for 15 months or longer because there are simply not enough same race (and qualified) homes available for them. A new legislative push from large organizations including NABSW, Child Welfare League and its subsidiary Black Administrators in Child Welfare (which does not advocate any out-of-home placements but Kinship care–placement only with child’s relatives) focuses on more federal funding for guardianship.⁸ This subsidy pays a child’s relative, deemed a guardian by child welfare decision makers, who is not financially capable of providing for the child. Kinship care, according to the Government Accountability Office, in its 2007 report “African American Children in Foster Care”, is one of the major factors causing black children to remain in foster care at rates far higher than any other race.

Transracial adoptions (from foster care) have increased from 17.2% of all adoptions in 1996 to 20.1 percent in 2003,⁹ but the racial disparities in placement outcomes continues. So, is culture then preserved while the child awaits a family? Is ethnic identity more crucial than permanence? Contrary to the claims by groups like NABSW and Child Welfare League, studies show that transracially adopted children are just as well-adjusted as same-race adopted children. Leading Scholar, Rita Simon, has conducted one of the most cited, in-depth longitudinal studies on the issue. And her research shows that over 80% of transracial adoptees disagree with groups like the National Association of Black Social Workers.¹⁰

Too often, adoption and foster care are racialized to the detriment of the child, when they simply need a place to call home and someone to love them.

Footnotes

¹The Costs of Adopting: A FactSheet for Families. http://costs.adoption.com/articles/the-costs-of-adopting-a-factsheet-for-families.html

²Adoption Grants Part Two: http://transracial.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/adoption-grants-part-two

³GA Division of Child and Family Services: Definition of Special Needs. http://www.dfcs.dhr.georgia.gov/portal/site/DHS-DFCS/menuitem.8237042e9dbda3aa50c8798dd03036a0/?vgnextoid=561c1de5f6940010VgnVCM100000bf01010aRCRD&vgnextchannel=7aba1de5f6940010VgnVCM100000bf01010aRCRD

⁴U.S. Government Accountability Office, “African American Children in Foster Care”, July 2007

⁵National Association of Black Social Workers: Position Statement on Transracial Adoption, 1972: http://www.uoregon.edu/~adoption/archive/NabswTRA.htm

⁶A Guide to The Multiethnic Placement Act of 1994 As Amended by the Interethnic Adoption Provisions of 1996. http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/pubs/mepa94/mepachp2.htm

⁷U.S. Government Accountability Office, “African American Children in Foster Care”, July 2007. http://bit.ly/GAO_AA_fostercare

⁸Black Administrators in Child Welfare: Emphasis on Prevention. http://www.blackadministrators.org/about_prevention.cfm

⁹U.S. Government Accountability Office, “African American Children in Foster Care”, July 2007. http://bit.ly/GAO_AA_fostercare

¹⁰“Transracial Adoption Works, Says Leading Scholar.” http://www.law.virginia.edu/html/news/2006_fall/simon.htm

Please pray for Hannah!

2011-02-09T13:28:00.002-05:00

One of my co-workers, Sheryl Naylor, has a beautiful 14-year-old daughter who is going to undergo major surgery next week at Duke. Please take a look at the list of prayer requests below for Hannah and pray for the family as they walk through this difficult journey. We know that God can heal her body should He chose to do so!

HANNAH NAYLOR
SPECIFIC PRAYER REQUESTS:
♥that Dr. Grant and the rest of the medical staff @ Duke would be clear-minded and well rested on Feb 15th

♥that Hannah/family/friends would receive peace & calmness from God & all remain well prior to surgery

♥that Hannah will tolerate the IV & anesthesia well & accept loss of hair

♥ that the surgery would restore the cerebral/spinal fluid to a proper flow

♥that the lesions within her spinal cord and brain stem would completely disappear & her pain, numbness, headaches & dizziness be alleviated

♥that there will be minimal swelling in her brain/surgical site

♥that the duraplast patch will be tightly sealed and not rejected

♥that if any abnormalities or obstructions exists within the spinal cord that they be found and removed

♥that Hannah will experience minimal pain, no infections & quickly recover

FOR UPDATES: visit caringbridge.org
& click the "visit tab", then type
hannahnaylor (all lower case and no spaces) and/or you can join the facebook page "Praying for Hannah Naylor"
THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS!

2011-02-08T11:09:00.002-05:00

4 Talking Tips for Parents who Adopt Outside of their Race

1. Talk about families. Let your child know that, although your family values people of other races and cultures, not all families do. “Some people are afraid of those who look different from them. Because of that, they might say and do mean things.”

2. Discuss racism early and often. Your child may not tell you that she has been harassed. To open discussion, bring up a racist incident in the news or something that happened in your neighborhood. “I hope if anything like that happens to you, you’ll share it with me. I may not know exactly what you’re experiencing, but we can learn together how to handle it.”

3. Explain that racism isn’t her fault. Tell your child that, while she may get teased about her hair or skin color, simply because it’s different, the child doing the teasing is the only one responsible for such behavior. “It’s a shame that some people do not know any better. I’m glad our family isn’t like that.”

4. Become an advocate. Even if you haven’t experienced racism yourself, you can help your child by understanding this: Racism is, ultimately, an attempt to define who belongs—and who doesn’t. Make yourself a credible resource on this topic. Talk with other parents of children of color, and with adults of color, read books, or seek a mentor. —DEBORAH JOHNSON

2011-02-08T10:25:00.002-05:00

I love this statement that I found by Mike Huckabee about why he is pro-life so I thought I would share....

I am pro-life. And for those of us who are, there is a basic fundamental principle that we believe in: life begins at conception. We, as human beings, have a responsibility to protect all human life - it's the very foundation of our civilization. As much as anything in our society, how we treat and even how we view another human life defines us as a people. Pro-life Americans know that we must do everything possible to protect the sanctity of life, because that belief is what makes us a unique nation. We value the life of one as if it is the life of all.

At the core of our society is the sanctity of human life. It is rooted in who we are as a culture and as a civilization. If we turn our back on this fundamental truth, we have turned our back on the very essence and foundation of who we are as a people.

Fighting for Life!

CONGRATS Scott and Mary

2011-02-05T14:46:00.003-05:00

BIG CONGRATS are going out today to Scott, Mary, Brevin, Leighton and Ethan on the placement of Lydia Annelise through an open adoption. Lydia was born on January 26 and placed into the arms of her forever family on January 29. Please be in prayer for Lydia's birth family as they walk through this season of grief.

CONGRATS Matthew and Peggi

2011-02-04T19:10:00.003-05:00

BIG CONGRATS are going out today to Matthew and Peggi on the placement of their son Myles Timothy through open adoption. Myles was born on January 26 and placed into the arms of his forever family on January 27. Please be in prayer for Myles' birth family as they walk through this season of grief.

For those of you who have adopted....

2011-01-28T09:32:00.003-05:00

Kelly's Korner Blog (http://www.kellyskornerblog.com/) is hosting a show us your life adoption stories edition. This is a great avenue to promote positive adoption stories and not the negative Lifetime movie horror stories you always hear about! If you do post your story let me know!

2011-01-25T09:37:00.004-05:00

Each family who is waiting should have purchased and have in their possession a new car seat. The agency recieves many "suprise" babies where the hospital will call and say that a mother has given birth and wants to release the child for adoption. Once the family is selected then the couple has to move immediately to the hospital---so there is no time to run get a car seat (or at least get the right one!).

Infant car seats are rated by the federal government based on crash test scores. Car seats come in every shape, color, and price but you should not pick a seat based on what it looks like. In a head on collision how "pretty" the car seat was will not matter. These are the top 3 picks based on crash tests (pick a car seat out of these 3 choices):

1. Baby Trend FlexLoc (this is what we use at the agency and I love them!)

2. Graco Snugride

3. Chicco KeyFit 30

Car seats that are over 5 years old (the date they were manufactured is on the back of the seat) are not acceptable. Car seats that your friends or family have used before and you are borrowing from them are not acceptable. You will be asked to go out and buy another car seat before you take the baby home with you. You need to understand that until the adoption has been finalized that the agency hold's legal responsibility for that child. That is a huge responsibility for us and we do not take the trust that these girls place in us lightly.

If you have any questions please feel free to call or email me!

While you are waiting stock the nursery with these....

2011-01-25T09:30:00.002-05:00

ADOPTION BOOKS!

A friend sent me this list recently of basic good adoption baby books which should be in every waiting couple's nursery....

Books are often the first resource adoptive parents turn to when opening up conversations about adoption with their kids. When children identify with characters and concepts in adoption stories, they see themselves as ‘normal’ and they feel positive about their adoption status.
It is also helpful for friends and family of the adopted child to read these books so they have an understanding of what adoption entails.

Children’s Books for Understanding Adoption

Answering the big questions that adopted children have, these books tackle the basics of how adoption works and why families are made through adoption.

*“A” is for Adopted by Eileen Tucker Cosby [DIR Group Inc., 2000]
*Adoption Stories for Young Children by Randall B. Hicks [Wordslinger Press, 1995]
*All about Adoption by Marc Nemiroff and Jane Annunziata [Magination Press 2003]
*Beginnings: How Families Come to Be by Virginia Kroll and Stacey Schuett [Albert Whitman & Co., 1994]
*How I Was Adopted by Joanna Cole [HarperCollins, 1999]
*Twice-Upon-A-Time by Eleanora Patterson [E.P. Press, 1988]
*What Is Adoption? by Sofie Stergianis and Rita McDowall [Wisdom Press, 2006]
*When I Am Adopted by E. Moore [CreateSpace, 2008]
*Why Was I Adopted? by Carole Livingston [Lyle Stuart, 2000]

Appropriate for reading to younger children, these books introduce kids to words used to describe adoption and highlight the fact that adopted children have two families.

CONGRATS Darian and Angie

2011-01-24T11:53:00.002-05:00

BIG CONGRATS are going out today to Darian, Angie, Matthew and Benjamin on the placement of their daughter Rebekah Grace through an open adoption. Rebekah was born on January 6 and placed into the arms of her forever family on January 8. Please be in prayer for Rebekah's birth family as they walk through this season of grief.

2011-01-23T19:46:00.005-05:00

Today is SANCTITY OF HUMAN LIFE SUNDAY! Today I am proud to work for an agency that supports the sanctity of human life. I am also very proud of each of the women that I have known over the past 9 years who have chosen life for their children. These amazing women not only have chosen physical life, but a QUALITY of life that adoption can offer their child. What an amazing sacrificial love that they have to put the needs of their child before their own needs.

Today thank God for the woman who has placed a child into your arms if you have already adopted, and be sure to thank God for the woman who you might not yet know who is carrying a child that you are meant to parent. These women are simply the most amazing, selfless people and they deserve more praise than we can give them.

In a society where abortion is an easy way out, they have made the decision for life. In a culture where abortion is celebrated as a right and a choice, these women have been shunned by family, stared at in public, and mocked to their face and behind their backs. They have lost friends, been kicked out of schools and walked a lonely path to give a child a chance at a better life through adoption.

Simply put....they are AMAZING!

AMAZING adoption video!

2011-01-18T15:22:00.000-05:00

Common Domestic Adoption Q and A's

2011-01-18T14:07:00.003-05:00

Recent conversations with waiting families have brought about some of the same questions so I thought we should take some time to address them.

1. Whose name will be on the birth certificate of the child?

The first, middle and last name that the biological parents give the child will be on the birth certificate along with the parent(s) name identifying who they are. The adoptive parents will receive a birth certificate from North Carolina (if that is where you finalize your adoption and all who live in the State will) after the adoption has been finalized with the amended information to reflect the child's new name and your relationship to the child. You will not receive a copy of the child's original birth certificate.

2. Are the mom's truthful? Do all use drugs? Are they all young?

I would say that the VERY HIGH majority of the mom's tell the truth. The misconception that I always hear is that mom's who release their child for adoption are going to come back and reclaim their child. Mom's who release their children do so out of love--it is the ultimate self-sacrifice to put their child's need above their own. No, they are not all druggies. Yes, some mother's have used a substance, but we are not here to judge. The ages of the mom's collectively is over the age of 20 and they are usually already single parenting a child. This is not always the case as some mom's are teenagers, but the general rule is that they are a little older.

3. Should I be buying things before we have been matched with a mom?

It is generally wise to be prepared for life's big events. You are "nesting" while you wait for your child to arrive. Enjoy it! If your friends want to throw you a pre-adoption baby shower then let them so that you will have items on hand (bath items, onesies, necessities, diapers, diapers, diapers in all sizes). Educate your friends at the shower on the correct adoption language so that when your child comes home everyone who surrounds the child will be speaking positively of adoption. Bring out baby books that you plan on reading to your child and share them with those at the shower. Ask them to join you in praying for the child and his/her mother during her pregnancy.

4. What should I be reading during the wait?

Definitely Adoptive Families magazine! Also consider getting a subscription for your extended family (grandparents) so that they will be involved and know more (knowledge is power). Buy children's books for your child to have when he/she comes home and then buy a few for the grandparents too so that they can read to the child later on about his/her adoption. We love these children's books:
-Happy Adoption Day! by John McCutcheon
-We Wanted You by Liz Rosenburg
-Horace by Holly Keller
-I Love You Through and Through by Rossetti-Shustak
-Heaven is Having You by Giles Andrea
-Are You My Mother? by PD Eastmann
-I Wished for You: An Adoption Story by Marianne Richmond
-A Blessing from Above by Patti Henderson
-God Gave Us You by Lisa Bergen

5. Should I bring a gift to the first meeting with a mom? Should I bring a gift for when we receive placement?

Maybe bring something homemade (brownies, cookies) for when you meet her the first time--ask the social worker prior to the meeting. NEVER bring a gift to the hospital. It is very awkward and inappropriate. If the adoption is open you can always mail the gift to her after placement (special necklace, bracelet, gift card, etc.) or if the adoption is closed you can mail it to the agency and we we will get it to her. Bringing flowers to the hospital is always appropriate and appreciated.

6. How much notice will I have about the child's arrival? What if I go to the hospital and meet the mother/child. What will that look like?

These are both hard questions to answer as so much depends on the individual situation. USUALLY a mother chooses a family at about 7 months into her pregnancy and will meet them when she has about 6 weeks until her due date. With that being said that is a general rule, but there are exceptions to every rule. Your hospital experience will be different than every other person's. Some have met the mother before, other's have not. As a general rule, you are to dress appropriately when you meet with the parents in a business casual fashion (ABSOLUTELY NO shorts, overalls, sweatpants, sweatshirts, jeans, tennis shoes, etc). You represent the agency and so what you look like reflects on us as a whole. Business casual is the key when dressing for this occasion. You will need to bring a new car seat with you and leave it in the car (the only exception is a car seat used by you for another child and it is less than 4 years old at that time by the date that it was manufactured written on the back of the car seat). You will also need to bring a brand new outfit with the tags attached and the matching blanket for the child to go home in. Preemie works for babies up to 7 pounds now so keep that in mind when buying for baby. Also please bring the name of the pediatrician along with the address, phone number and fax number for the hospital to forward the child's medical records. You do not need to bring diapers, bottles, wipes, etc. as the hospital will supply those upon discharge

Rise in the Abortion Rate

2011-01-12T14:57:00.002-05:00

And Down Will Come Baby...

There are times in the pro-life movement when words are just inadequate. Yesterday, when the Guttmacher Institute announced a spike in U.S. abortions, reporters hurried to file their stories. And while most of them managed to communicate the data--almost none conveyed the loss. Instead of reflecting on the 1,212,350 unique members of society that America will never know, the headlines all minimized the tragedy that is "choice."

Papers from the Wall Street Journal to the Washington Post explained the news with the sensitivity of a sports column. It's "just 1%," the Journal reported, or a "slight rise," said the AP. Factually, they're both right. But in terms of casualties--real human victims--this "slight rise" means that our country dug 6,150 new graves in 2008. That's more than the entire student population at Yale, Princeton, Brown, or Dartmouth.

Where is America 's perspective? On Saturday, the entire nation grieved with Arizona after the haunting Tucson shooting spree. Who among us, after reading their stories, would say the gunman "only" killed six victims? Yet somehow, in a society calloused by convenience, it's acceptable to describe the loss of millions of unborn children as "just" this or that. However political this debate has become, it's important to remember the moral crisis that got us here. And until we address that fundamental problem, these statistics are bound to yo-yo into the new century.

In the meantime, there are ways to cut down on the number of abortions in America. For starters, we can stop paying for them! Unfortunately, the last Congress made that even more difficult by stuffing millions of abortion dollars into the health care law. Then they funneled even more into Capitol Hill's backyard by agreeing to subsidize abortion in Washington, D.C.--something pro-life Members are fighting to overturn. After the new Congress convened, Congressmen Chris Smith (R-N.J.) and Dan Lipinski (D-Ill.) wasted no time introducing a bill called the "No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act" which would wipe the slate clean of most government projects that force Americans into the abortion business.

On the state level, legislators can look to Nebraska for inspiration. Last year, the Cornhuskers passed the Abortion Pain Preve ntion Act, which uses the science of fetal pain to ban abortions after 20 weeks.

What the Left can't seem to admit is that America 's abortion rate had fallen because of the hard work of the pregnancy resource centers, abstinence education, and pro-life laws. But despite its own findings, Guttmacher, which was once the research arm of Planned Parenthood, is using the report to advance their political agenda of more abortion, more access to abortion, more abortion doctors, and more restrictions on abortion protestors. Obviously, the organization is going to bat for its old friend Planned Parenthood, whose relationship with the government has been an especially lucrative one for the abortion industry. But in the end, it's a partnership that Americans can't afford--not from an economic standpoint and certainly not from an ethical one.

Pray for Doris....

2011-01-10T10:11:00.003-05:00

Doris just learned that her sweet mama has gone to be with Jesus. Please pray for Doris as her heart is really hurting over the loss of her mama. Pray for she and Jim as they travel to be with the family. Pray for Doris's father and her siblings also over the loss of Mama Lydia. She was a sweet, sweet lady who always had a smile on her face. Mama Lydia helped take care of the children for years in El Salvador who were available for adoption, yet could not come home yet.

I know that Heaven is rejoicing over her homecoming, but those left behind have a huge ache in their hearts.